Meddling Fates
by David Tai
Summary: Third of the OMG Vertigo Books of Magic Trilogy. Written with Rod M. Mara and Urd take interest in an unassuming young mage named Tim Hunter. Unfortunately, a depressed Cupid steps in, and bullets start flying. What, you expected arrows?
1. Foreword: Explaining Oh My Goddess! and ...

---------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
~*~  
  
Rod M. & David Tai  
present  
  
The finale of the  
Oh My Goddess / Vertigo Trilogy  
  
Meddling Fates  
  
Foreword  
  
~*~  
  
"He has the potential to become the most powerful human  
adept of this age"  
  
-The Phantom Stranger to John Constantine on Tim Hunter,  
"The Books of Magic"  
  
~*~  
  
Imagine, if you will, a skinny, somewhat reclusive,  
bespectacled British boy, age approximately 15.  
His home, a small, modest apartment. His only family,  
his father, a one-armed man who sits in front of the  
television all day. His mother, passed away long ago.  
  
Now believe, if you can, that this boy was destined  
to become the next great magus. Given a brief lesson  
of the history of magic by four of the most  
powerful magic practitioners of his time (The Phantom  
Stranger, John Constantine, Dr. Occult, and the dangerous  
Mister E), the boy was given a choice: to follow  
the path of Magic, or to live the life of the Normal.  
  
He chose Magic.  
  
Soon after that, trouble came looking for him.  
It came in many forms. There was Titania, Queen  
of Faerie, who for some odd reason claimed Tim was  
her son. They didn't get along very well. There  
was Titania's former servant, Tam Lin the Falconer,  
a man who could turn himself into a falcon. He  
claimed to be Tim's real father. There were Cupid  
and Psyche, who crossed paths with Tim while trying  
to spread the gospel of Love in the Nineties.  
  
And then there was a Tim Hunter from an alternate  
future, arriving in the boy's time to make sure  
Tim turned evil.  
  
His love life wasn't any simpler.  
  
There was Molly, an odd, energetic Irish girl who  
became Tim's girlfriend. Soon after they met, she  
ended up in Hell. It wasn't as bad as it sounded.  
Tim went after her, and they had their first kiss,  
in Hell.  
  
There was the time Tim liberated a succubus from  
slavery, giving her total freedom for the first  
time in her life. Her name was Leah, and she fell  
in love with him too. Somewhere along the way, she  
disappeared. Tim wasn't sure what happened to her,  
and would not find out for quite some time.  
  
But the magic was always there. It called to him,  
it beckoned him... it seduced him.  
  
Until he lost focus of everything but Magic.  
  
Even Molly.  
  
Inevitably, Molly left him, sending Tim into a depression.  
Eventually, he decided to surrender the magic within him  
to the world, believing it needed it far more than he did.  
  
Meanwhile, his family life had improved. His father,  
thanks to some mysterious surgery, regained his other  
arm. He met, fell in love with, and married a woman he'd  
met during his stay at the hospital. Her son, only  
a few years old, had some mental problems and was sent  
away to an institution. Otherwise, with Tim seemingly  
rid of the magic, he'd finally gotten a normal household.  
  
And this time, Normal was to his liking.  
  
It wouldn't last.  
  
Leah returned, briefly, to remind Tim that he wasn't  
rid of the magic at all. It would always be a part  
of him, no matter what anyone tried.  
  
And now, powerless and yet told he was not, Tim was left  
wondering....  
  
~*~  
  
"Why is a Goddess like you playing Servant to a mere  
human?!"  
  
-Mara to Belldandy,  
"Oh My Goddess: Love Potion No. 9"  
  
~*~  
  
Keiichi Morisato can be considered one lucky guy.  
  
He's got a Goddess living with him. It still amazes him  
that, even after many struggles, he has the love of  
Belldandy, one of the Three Norn Sisters.  
  
Of course, dealing with the love of Belldandy means dealing  
with her sisters.  
  
Poor sucker.  
  
Skuld, Belldandy's younger sister, is smart, and generally a  
pest about it. Her inventions can be spectacularly explosive  
(as in, brilliant, but just a bit... clumsy). However,  
Keiichi can live with that.  
  
Urd, Belldandy's oldest sister, on the other hand, is just  
a bit more of a problem. She fancies herself the Goddess of  
Love. And her encouragement of Keiichi and Belldandy's  
relationship can often be a biiiiiiig hinderance.  
  
It'd be just terrible, terrible, if Urd were unleashed on  
the world, instead of staying with Keiichi, now, wouldn't  
it?  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Disclaimer:  
  
Timothy Hunter was created by Neil Gaiman and John Bolton.  
All rights and related characters are owned and published  
by DC Comics.  
  
Ah! My Goddess was created and copyrighted by Kosuke  
Fujishima. Published by Kodansha Ltd and Dark Horse  
Comics.  
  
This work of fan fiction is public domain and not intended  
for profit. 


	2. Amor Volat Undique

---------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
This story takes place shortly after John Ney Reiber's run  
on "The Books of Magic", Issue # 50  
  
~*~  
  
"Love isn't wishing. Love is work."  
  
-Gwendolyn to Auberon of Faerie,  
"The Books of Magic: Summonings"  
  
~*~  
  
-Now-  
  
Tim Hunter stared at the London skyline, lit up with  
cerulean and crimson fires, like tracer bullets blazing  
paths all around the grand old city. The sound of gunfire  
accompanied it, echoing through the city hauntingly.  
  
"Bloody hell."  
  
He ducked as a few shots scattered his way.  
  
Gods and goddesses, bloody magic, he'd had his fill and yet  
it always managed to come back to bite him.  
  
In the distance, two figures carrying massive amounts of  
weaponry raced across the city rooftops, blazing away at  
each other and missing badly.  
  
"Bloody stupid gods," he muttered. "Bloody stupid  
goddesses."  
  
He knew who was to blame, or at least one of the individuals  
to blame. Unfortunately, that wasn't helping the situation  
any.  
  
He wasn't sure what he could do to stop this rampage, but he  
had to do something.  
  
Living in London was going to be intolerable if he didn't.  
  
And so, faced with a daunting task, the boy who would be  
magus asked himself, "What would Constantine do?"  
  
He'd probably walk up to the two and tell them to bugger  
off, that's what.  
  
Which would be a rotten idea. Especially with the way Cupid  
was running around ranting. What was that fat idiot's  
problem now?  
  
~*~  
  
Rod M. & David Tai  
present  
  
The finale of the  
Oh My Goddess / Vertigo Trilogy  
  
Meddling Fates  
  
Part 1  
Amor Volat Undique  
  
~*~  
  
- One Week Ago-  
  
Paris, France.  
  
The city of romance.  
  
Sitting atop the Eiffel Tower, looking down upon all the  
people, Cupid hated it.  
  
Then again, there was a lot of things Cupid hated these  
days. The Roman God of Love had been going through a rough  
spot lately, ever since his most recent Reconfiguration.  
  
Reconfiguration was supposed to be a reflection of the  
collective conscious of the people, applied as a template to  
deities.  
  
In the 50's, he was a rather dapper, clean-cut fellow, with  
a wood pipe held in his mouth and a smile on his lips.  
Haha, you kids have a good time tonight, y'hear?  
  
The 60's were a major change for him. Suddenly he was  
long-haired, dressed in floppy, colorful clothing, and on a  
perpetual drug high. Peace and love, man.  
  
In the 70's, he was the Leisure Suited Love Machine, the  
hotshot disco king of pleasure. Do the hustle!  
  
In the 80's, he was once more a sharp dressed man, hair  
slicked back, with briefcase in hand and suit immaculate.  
He was the Stock Broker of Romance. Love for sale!  
  
The 90's... were apparently a very twisted era.  
  
He was, at the moment, an overweight, bald, stubbled, and  
short-tempered gangsta. No cute little wings, no cute  
baby-looks, absolutely nothing cute about him this time.  
Gone were the bow and arrows, replaced by a fully automatic  
assault rifle loaded with love-stinger chocolates.  
  
What's your problem? Call me Q! Love spread around by the  
Gangsta of Looooove!  
  
Only he didn't feel much like Love.  
  
Cupid sighed.  
  
Through all the changes that the Reconfiguration had wrought  
upon him, the core of his personality was always the same.  
Some changes he liked, others he was uncomfortable with, but  
this was just too much.  
  
Was this what humanity had come to?  
  
Was there any real love in the world anymore?  
  
He'd come to Paris to find out, but the deity of love had a  
problem of objectivity. Cupid's longtime soulmate, Psyche,  
had left him. She'd transformed herself in order to match  
Cupid's most recent configuration, becoming a gangsta girl  
armed with guns and a mean attitude. However, she'd lost  
herself in the role and nearly killed a girl; fortunately,  
she was snapped out of it just in time.  
  
Since then, Psyche had slowly been recovering. There were  
some arguments, but who didn't have those? It was a pretty  
good life, anyway.  
  
And then one day, she kicked him out. She said that he  
didn't know what love was. Of course he did, dammit! He  
WAS the God of Love, after all!  
  
That was a month ago. He hadn't heard from her since.  
  
This did not put him in the mood to be objective about  
humanity and love. His reconfiguration wasn't helping  
either.  
  
Screw this. He knew he still had it, still had the power to  
make people love. Oh, there were a few moments of doubt,  
but he still had it, dammit. But who needed love? What had  
it done for him except screw him up?  
  
If he couldn't be happy, and if humanity was going to mess  
him up like this, then he was gonna mess up humanity.  
  
With Love.  
  
With grim determination, he picked up his sniper rifle and  
took aim.  
  
*BANG* An extramarital affair begins.  
  
*BANG* A woman realizes she no longer loves her husband.  
  
*BANG* A man will discover tonight that he'll need Viagra.  
  
*BANG* An unrequited love will REMAIN unrequited.  
  
Today, Paris... tomorrow, the world.  
  
~*~  
  
-Now-  
  
*BANG*BANG*BANG*  
  
"Yow!"  
  
Tim ran for cover as even more supernatural gunfire flew  
uncomfortably close to him, passing through walls as if they  
weren't there. He looked around, then ran for the subway.  
  
The usual morning crowd was milling about like they usually  
did, as if nothing was wrong. This was normal. Normal  
people usually don't see the magic going about around them,  
and this case was no exception.  
  
He hoped that he wasn't looking too stupid, dodging bullets  
that only he could see. Probably did anyway, oh well.  
  
Taking a seat on one of the benches, Tim caught his breath  
and tried to relax.  
  
"Tough day, huh?"  
  
He blinked. Sitting next to him was ... someone small.  
  
Really small.  
  
It appeared to be female, about six inches tall, platinum  
blond, and carrying some very heavy weaponry.  
  
"Um, yes, yes it has been, I suppose."  
  
The little woman nodded. "Know how that is. Just stopped  
here to take a rest too."  
  
"I... see."  
  
The strange figure sighed. "Ah, well, time to get back to  
the war."  
  
Tim watched, puzzled, as the diminutive figure hopped off  
the bench and scampered up the stairs to join an unseen  
legion of mini-Urds and mini-Cupids in a raging war across  
the city.  
  
~*~  
  
Elsewhere in London, the full-sized Urd peeked out from the  
alleyway she was hiding in, ready to drop, roll, and return  
fire at the first sign of her enemy. The twisty maze of  
alleyways of London made for a really tough battleground.  
  
In her hand was the Super Heavy Cannon Mark XXI, a little  
gift from Skuld cobbled up only hours ago. About the length  
of Urd's leg and four times as wide, it was surprisingly  
light. It was doing its job well, though the speed of  
Cupid's Uzis were tough to top.  
  
She'd have to talk to the kid about that when she got back  
to-  
  
Urd froze. Was that a rustling she heard behind her? She  
dove and rolled away as a burst of rapid fire struck the  
ground she was on a moment ago. High above on the rooftop,  
Cupid emptied his Uzi and shoved another clip in.  
  
With a grin, she brought her cannon up. "EAT THIS, FATSO!"  
  
Cupid showed surprising agility for his size and jumped off  
the roof, his Uzi blazing as he fell. Urd dodged sideways  
to her left, letting loose two more massive blasts. To her  
astonishment, Cupid twisted and turned his massive frame in  
the air to dodge the shots by a hair's width. He landed,  
feet first, on a fire escape, then leaped down again and  
opened fire again. Urd backflipped dramatically, ripping  
out another three massive blasts as she twirled in midair.  
  
This was no good, she thought. In tight corners like this,  
her cannon was lousy and his Uzi was far more ideal.  
  
She had to get _out_.  
  
Jumping backwards once more, covering her retreat with more  
blasts from her cannon, Urd jumped backwards, shattering a  
store display window, and into a television.  
  
//"Come'n get me, fatso!"// she taunted.  
  
This wasn't quite what she had in mind for a weekend  
getaway, but it sure as hell wasn't boring.  
  
~*~  
  
- Six days ago -  
  
Tokyo, Japan.  
  
It was a large, bustling city in the middle of an island  
country that was home to many temples and shrines, where  
its natives would often gather to bow and worship.  
  
One of these many temples was occupied by actual goddesses.  
  
And some of these goddesses were seriously bored.  
  
Urd sighed, reclining on the floor watching satellite  
television.  
  
In months past, there had been some hectic, frantic, and  
harrowing moments. But now that things had been settled  
with the archangels and Belldandy...  
  
It was boring.  
  
She stretched, yawning, her platinum-blonde hair playing  
about her curvaceous tanned skin, and then turned her  
attention back to the television.  
  
o/~ I bet we've been together  
For a million years,  
And I bet we'll be together  
For a million more...  
  
She motioned with her finger. Click. The television  
changed channels.  
  
"Well, it's a beautiful day in the neigh---"  
  
Click.  
  
"Now, Ken-san, are you sure this is a good id---"  
  
Click.  
  
o/~ I love you, you love me, we're a happy family..."  
  
ARGH! NOT THAT! NOT THAT! CLICK!  
  
o/~ Sit right back, and you'll hear a tale of a fateful trip  
That started at this tropic port  
Aboard this tiny ship...  
  
With a sigh, she waved a hand distractedly. The television  
shut itself off, as Urd put her hands to the back of her  
head, and stretched out on the floor, yawning, looking at  
the ceiling.  
  
Outside, she could hear the tinkering of machinery. That  
would be either Keiichi or Sku---  
  
*BOOM*  
  
Skuld. Definitely Skuld. Nothing new there. The little  
brat had a lot of bursts of amazing creativity, that usually  
ended with amazingly weak, but explosive, finishes.  
  
With a sigh, she sat up, listening for other signs of  
intelligence (not that Skuld had any....)  
  
She could hear noises from the kitchen. That would be  
Belldandy, of course, her sister, puttering around making  
dinner. As usual, for that spineless wimp.  
  
Speaking of which, where WAS that spineless wimp?  
  
"Keiichi!" Belldandy's voice cried from the kitchen.  
  
There. Probably stammering and trying to think of things to  
say to Belldandy. As usual.  
  
She frowned. The spineless idiot. If she could get him  
to...  
  
How long had it been?  
  
How long had it been since Urd had come to the mortal plane  
in an attempt to get Keiichi to make some SIGNIFICANT  
PROGRESS with her sister?  
  
It was the same old thing EVERY DAY with Keiichi's  
clumsy-yet-touching attempts to express his affection to  
her, and Belldandy responding either by missing it entirely  
or giving him sweet replies or a chaste kiss or two.  
  
Yeah, there was some real hot passion there. Right.  
  
Urd shuddered.  
  
She had to get out of here. A break from this... this  
sickening display of pathetic gutlessness.  
  
~*~  
  
-Now-  
  
High above London, the demoness Mara watched as the chaos  
widened.  
  
Her day had started out fairly crappy, but it was going  
swell now. There was nothing quite like chaos and gunfire,  
a perfect spectator's sport.  
  
Random people were hit in the crossfire, spontaneously  
falling in love with someone, falling out of love, or just  
becoming pretty darn quirky.  
  
Oh yeah, this was great stuff.  
  
Coming to London was definitely a good idea.  
  
~*~  
  
-Three Days Ago-  
  
Pottersville, Nebraska.  
  
This sleepy little town, with a bustling population of 216,  
was where Mara was currently assigned to.  
  
The demoness was bored out of her mind.  
  
She was in a town whose pride was its state cowchip tossing  
champion, whose biggest annual event was the sheepdog  
parade, and whose primary industry was rabbit pelts.  
  
She thought she'd left Hell behind.  
  
Apparently, the mortals had made a little Hell of their own,  
one that could blast away the sanity of even the denizens of  
the demon world.  
  
Oh, sure there were souls to be corrupted. No problem  
there. Had some extramarital affairs here, a little incest  
there, a good round of lies going about, little seeds that  
would bloom into flowers of damnation for the soul.  
  
But it was all so very BORING.  
  
She was ordered to stay there till she filled her quota for  
the week, and she was just a few souls shy of it.  
  
Mara was in severe need of a dance club and large doses of  
alcohol, and she needed it yesterday.  
  
As the sound of a square dance drifted through the air, Mara  
shuddered.  
  
Someone would have to be damned.  
  
Almost got the quota, after all.  
  
~*~  
  
-Now-  
  
Mara's musings were interrupted by the sight of a young boy  
running away from the crowd. Now normally, this would not  
be a special sight, but the boy was running directly towards  
Cupid... or at least, the biggest Cupid.  
  
Interesting.  
  
As she stared at the boy, she sensed something. She wasn't  
sure what, exactly, but there was something there, tickling  
her senses.  
  
Curiousity compelled her. Well, why not?  
  
So it was a surprise to Tim Hunter when a lovely young  
lady, clad in tight pants and a body-hugging bodice materialized  
in front of him. Instinctively Tim backed away, for usually  
when these things occured, it meant trouble.  
  
But much to his surprise, the lady smiled.  
  
"Well, hello there. What brings you out here?"  
  
Tim blinked, then looked around her towards Cupid, and shook  
his head. Not going to explain. How was he going to explain?  
Excuse me, ma'am, there's a rampaging Cupid and I don't really  
want to get involved, but if nobody does, there could be a lot  
of sickening love affairs going on?  
  
The lady followed Tim's gaze, then smiled, almost sultrily.  
  
"You have an interest in Cupid, don't you?"  
  
"Uh huh." Tim continued to regard the demoness with suspicion.  
He'd learned long ago that even pretty faces could hide hearts of  
ice, and he'd had his fill of those sorts.  
  
"Who're you?" he asked suspiciously, lifting a finger to  
push his glasses further up his nose.  
  
Mara smiled, even as Cupid raised an Uzi to fire at a mini-Urd  
in the background behind her.  
  
"Me? Oh, just an interested party."  
  
~*~  
  
-Ten Hours ago-  
  
It was dark in most of London, with the exception of a  
massive abandoned warehouse converted into a dance floor.  
Lights were swirling, strobing, and spinning through the  
room, coloring the smoke in psychadelic ways, and the loud  
thumping of dance music vibrated through the writhing mass  
of humanity.  
  
Lots of potential for recreational mischief here, thought  
Mara.  
  
Dark of night, lots of kids boozed up, and probably high on  
drugs, she figured she could probably slip in a  
reverse-satanic song in there and trick the kids into  
dancing in a pattern that would open a gateway to hell.  
  
It seemed like a great idea at the time. She was able to  
mingle with the crowd, and was about to commit some random  
bad deeds for the pure fun of it.  
  
And then the clock struck midnight.  
  
In addition to being highly allergic to good luck charms,  
Mara had a secret addiction.  
  
She was addicted to Disco. Once she started dancing, there  
was no way she could stop, not until the music stopped so  
that she could escape.  
  
She had been reasonably sure that no sane person would play  
disco at a rave. Unfortunately, she didn't read the small  
print.  
  
At midnight, the rave became a Disco Revival Rave.  
  
~*~  
  
-Six and a Half Hours ago-  
  
It was now 3:30 am, London time. Mara had been trapped  
dancing for the last three and a half hours, nonstop. She  
was exhausted, yet forced to dance on.  
  
Through sheer force of will, she'd managed to edge slowly to  
the doors. A few more meters and...  
  
"Heya, Mara!"  
  
"What the- YOU!"  
  
Easing her way next to the demoness, moving to the beat in a  
way that had the male half of the crowd very much at  
attention, Urd approached. In addition to being surprised,  
Mara now felt envious.  
  
"So how long have YOU been watching?" growled Mara, still  
bonded to the disco beat against her will.  
  
"Oh, for the last hour," said Urd, dancing alongside her old  
nemesis and friend. "How'd you get yourself into THIS  
mess?"  
  
"I didn't know it was gonna be Disco revival night!" growled  
Mara.  
  
Urd laughed, pissing Mara off even more. "Well c'mon, then!  
Let's dance some more!"  
  
"But I don't wanna! No! Stop it!"  
  
"Naaah!" Urd exclaimed, grabbing one of Mara's arms and  
pulling the miserable demoness back into the heart of the  
dance floor. Mara's dancing was noted by an undefinable  
lack of enthusiasm: she was certainly gyrating  
energetically, and her face didn't look tired, but there  
just seemed to be something missing. Urd, on the other  
hand, was into the scene all the way, writhing to the rhythm  
and in circles around Mara (probably to annoy her, the  
demoness thought).  
  
And then a blaze of gunfire erupted.  
  
Urd immediately hit the ground, while Mara, still a slave to  
the rhythm, just tried to dance _really_low_.  
  
"What the hell?" yelled Urd.  
  
"Waah!" the demoness cried.  
  
More gunfire ripped through the air, and once again the two  
dodged low. And then they realized...  
  
Nobody else in the room seemed to have noticed.  
  
Cautiously, they both looked up. Goddess and Demoness, they  
both searched the room, almost in perfect synchronicity,  
trying to locate the source of the gunfire.  
  
What they saw was a plump, balding man in a tank top that  
didn't quite cover his very ample belly, carrying an Uzi.  
He opened fire once again, and his bullets struck more  
bystanders in the crowd. The victims flinched, just for a  
moment, and then something about them seemed to change,  
something Urd could sense but not see.  
  
"Who the heck is chubby?!" yelled Mara over the beat.  
  
"He's..." Urd stared frantically from the man to his  
victims, trying to see exactly what it was he was _doing_.  
And suddenly, she realized. "He's... oh Lord, it's him."  
  
"That's God?!"  
  
"No, stupid! That's Cupid!"  
  
"Nice rhyme," snarled Mara. "So what the hell is he  
doing?!"  
  
"Don't know, but I'm gonna find out." With a snap of her  
fingers, Urd disappeared.  
  
"Hey you jerk! Don't leave me like this!" yelled Mara.  
  
She looked up at the rafters where Cupid was, and saw Urd  
appear there a moment later. Cupid swung his massive  
assault rifle to bear on her, but didn't pull the trigger.  
Instead, they exchanged heated words, loud enough for Mara  
to hear..  
  
"Kiss my @$$, ho!"  
  
"Get your ass somewhere where I can kick it black and blue!"  
  
A moment later, both disappeared.  
  
Well, one problem solved, but one bigger problem left.  
  
Mara, still dancing to the disco, looked with longing at the  
warehouse exit. It was, thanks to Urd, so very far away  
now. She was in the middle of the party now, easily within  
reach of the DJ.  
  
Inspiration struck her.  
  
She struck the DJ.  
  
Hard.  
  
His head tilted back for a moment, then he crashed  
head-first into his equipment, bringing the music to a  
screeching and ear-blasting halt. Mara wasted no time in  
getting very far away.  
  
~*~  
  
The New Globe Theatre was silent this night, as it should be  
at four in the morning. Overhead, the stars in the sky  
could barely be seen through the night clouds of London.  
  
Shakespeare had written of Cupid, off and on, in his place.  
This was the first time the real thing had actually set foot  
on the noble stage. Well, it wasn't exactly the same stage  
Shakespeare himself had trod upon, the original having been  
torn down years ago, but it was close enough. It made him a  
little sentimental, remembering the days he was in better  
shape.  
  
The effect didn't last long, as Urd appeared seconds behind  
him.  
  
"Okay fatso," said Urd. "What's going on?"  
  
"Doin' my job, what'cha think?! Shootin'up peeps with the  
love stuff."  
  
"Uh-huh. That wasn't exactly warm and fuzzy feelings I was  
feeling from those people."  
  
"It certainly IS love! Unrequited LOVE! Obsessive LOVE!  
The kinda love that burns a hole in y'soul!" Cupid hefted  
his Uzi up slightly. "You got a problem wi'dat, bimbo?"  
  
"Watch where you point yer stubby barrels, pasty-boy,"  
growled Urd. "And who're you callin' a bimbo?"  
  
"You, ya wanna-be love goddess," sniped Cupid. "Yeah, I  
heard that these days, you callin' yourself the deity of  
love. Who you think you're kiddin?"  
  
"Ex-CUSE me?! At least I'm trying to make people happy,  
y'know!"  
  
"Yeah? How're you making people happy? Mixin' little  
potions in y'kitchen? That don't make you no love expert!"  
  
"As if you've done any better?!" yelled Urd.  
  
"Hey, ain't nowhere that sez it hasta be HAPPY love," said  
Cupid. shrugging. "You ain't got NO business callin'  
yourself a love goddess."  
  
Urd struggled to calm herself a bit. What did that fat  
lardass know? Just because he had more success with the  
love department than she herself did personally... Wait a  
minute.  
  
"Hey, fatass, where's Psyche?"  
  
Cupid's beady little eyes grew even colder. "Psyche ain't  
your business."  
  
Urd slapped her hands to her hips and laughed. "AHA! I  
KNEW IT!" She then pointed a finger at him. "She dumped  
you, didn't she?"  
  
This, of course, was when the Demoness Mara made her  
reappearance.  
  
"What? Psyche dumped Cupid?!" the Demoness said with her  
usual utter lack of tact.  
  
"Well, yeah!" Urd replied.  
  
"Well, about time! I mean, Cupid's really let himself go  
over the years!" said Mara.  
  
Urd nodded. "Yeah, I mean, look at that gut."  
  
"He's not exactly the best catch in the sea," muttered Mara.  
  
"More like a blowfish at the moment, actually," added Urd.  
  
"Dunno what she ever saw in him, really. Why, when she was  
young, she had everyone in Rome worshiping her as if she was  
Venus, y'know?"  
  
"The only reason they fell in love was 'cause they scratched  
themselves with those stupid arrows of his and accidentally  
looked at each other."  
  
"Guess it's wearing off. The poor girl must be in shock  
now."  
  
The two of them started laughing, ignoring an angrier and  
angrier Cupid...  
  
"AWRIGHT! THAT'S IT!!!"  
  
~*~  
  
-Now-  
  
Staring at her, Tim could feel something about the woman,  
that magic sixth sense nagging him like it often did before.  
  
"You're... you're a demon."  
  
Mara blinked. "That obvious?" she asked. Unless she went  
at it with the full horns-and-wings outfit, she usually was  
just percieved as some blond with a great body and some  
funny marks on her head. "Why, yes, I am," she said  
casually, though her eyes were looking at him curiously.  
"And you?"  
  
"I... don't think talking to demons is a good idea," he  
replied, taking a small step back.  
  
"Aw, don't be shy," she replied. "I'll introduce myself  
first. I've had many names, but you can call me Mara. And  
you," she said, leaning towards him, "you seem awfully  
familiar... about fourteen, glasses, British... hrm..."  
  
He didn't want to have anything more with demons, really.  
Every time he had, the results were terrible. And the way  
this demon was leaning towards him made him feel like a  
mouse in front of a cat. "Well... I'll just be going now,  
so..."  
  
Mara suddenly stood upright and snapped her fingers. "Hey!  
Now I recognize you! You're the kid that screwed Barbatos  
over! Tim Hunter!"  
  
He cringed. So much for remaining anonymous.  
  
"I don't suppose you know how to stop those... er...  
people?" asked Tim, looking towards the raging battle behind  
her.  
  
"Oh, I might," said Mara. "Though I don't know if I want  
this to stop. I mean, it's SUCH a fun spectator sport!"  
  
"But there are people being shot!"  
  
"What, you think they're using deadly force out there?"  
asked Mara. "Nah, those two may be idiots, but they're too  
goodie-two-shoes to go that far. No, if someone gets hit by  
a stray shot, they'll just feel weird."  
  
"Weird? Weird how?"  
  
"Oh, plenty weird. Might fall in love with the first person  
they see, or they might fall out of love, or, heck, think of  
something that has to do with love and it'll probably  
happen."  
  
"That's not good!"  
  
Mara shrugged. "It's not deadly."  
  
~*~  
  
The mini-Urd sweated. On her neck, she could feel the cold  
steel of an Uzi. She cursed herself for letting him sneak  
up on her. Looked like it was the end of the line.  
  
"Hold it! Drop the Uzi, fatso!"  
  
She breathed a sigh of relief as another mini-Urd appeared,  
her own Super Heavy Cannon aimed at his back.  
  
"Not so fast, bimbo!"  
  
The two mini-Urds cringed as a trio of mini-Cupids arrived  
on the scene, one sporting an assault rifle, one with a  
shotgun, the third with a bazooka.  
  
"What, again?" asked one of the mini-Urds. "Jeez, I-"  
  
"Not so fast yourself, chubby!" a chorus of voices snarled.  
A dozen mini-Urds appeared and aimed their cannons at the  
mini-Cupids' backs.  
  
"Damn!" spat one of the mini-Cupids. "Where-"  
  
"Put down them cannons, bimbo!" another mini-Cupid  
exclaimed, keeping his Uzi firmly aimed at a mini-Urd.  
  
Some of the Cupids and Urds sighed.  
  
"What we gots here," muttered a mini-Cupid, "issa Mexican  
Standoff."  
  
- end part 1-  
  
----------------------------  
  
CUPID, n.  
  
The so-called god of love. This bastard creation of a  
barbarous fancy was no doubt inflicted upon mythology for  
the sins of its deities. Of all unbeautiful and  
inappropriate conceptions this is the most reasonless and  
offensive. The notion of symbolizing sexual love by a  
semisexless babe, and comparing the pains of passion to the  
wounds of an arrow -- of introducing this pudgy homunculus  
into art grossly to materialize the subtle spirit and  
suggestion of the work -- this is eminently worthy of the  
age that, giving it birth, laid it on the doorstep of  
prosperity.  
  
-The Devil's Dictionary, by Ambrose Bierce  



	3. Blazing Guns of Love

---------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
"At least with Constantine all I had to worry about was  
people trying to kill me."  
  
-Tim Hunter to Rose Spiritus,  
"The Books of Magic"  
  
~*~  
  
~ London, England ~  
  
Tim Hunter hated Magic.  
  
No matter what happened, it always came back to him.  
  
Magic, the kind that came with faeries and demons and  
creatures of myth. The kind of magic that could bring  
down armageddon or bring about the greatest miracle.  
  
And it was his.  
  
Was.  
  
Ever since he let go of the Magic, and vowed to be an  
ordinary boy, ever since it cost him his girlfriend, his  
friends, his family, Magic had been anathema. No more  
crazed angels seeking revenge. No more love-struck  
succubuses. No more fairies. Well, the Faerie kind, not  
the...  
  
Ick, he really didn't want to THINK about that.  
  
"Awwww right, surrender, hos!" a small chorus shouted.  
  
"You first, fatties!"  
  
Dealing with two heavily armed deities was something new, he  
admitted, but that didn't make it any more enjoyable.  
  
He REALLY didn't want to deal with this. An army of little  
Cupids and an army of little white-haired exotic goddesses.  
  
"Wellllllll, kid... what do you suggest?" a sultry voice  
whispered in his ear.  
  
And he really didn't want to deal with a Demoness either.  
  
Argh.  
  
~*~  
  
Rod M. & David Tai  
present  
  
The finale of the  
Oh My Goddess / Vertigo Trilogy  
  
Meddling Fates  
  
Part 2  
  
Blazing Guns of Love  
  
~*~  
  
Mara's worst nightmare had come true: a horde of heavily  
armed Urds.  
  
Fortunately, for her, they were all aimed at a group of  
Cupids. Time enough for her to talk to the boy.  
  
"Wellllllll, kid... what do you suggest?" she whispered into  
his ear.  
  
Tim only stared back at her owlishly behind his glasses, and  
shrugged. "I've no bloody idea."  
  
Mara frowned. "No?"  
  
"Nope. Sorry."  
  
"Tim Hunter, right?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Tim Hunter, the Magus? Tim Hunter, the Opener?"  
  
"Well, sort of."  
  
"Uh-huh."  
  
For Mara, it was strange enough. How could such a boy  
possibly be a magus? With John Constantine, you knew enough  
not to question him. She decided to take matters into her  
hands. Perhaps getting him involved could make things easier  
for her to work her way into his confidence...  
  
After all, wouldn't it be a kick if she could manage to turn  
a future magus to Evil?  
  
Now if only there weren't so many Urds...  
  
~*~  
  
With the situation at a standoff, Urd pondered. Which was  
in itself a rare thing for her. She knew full well that in  
a competition between her and Cupid, one had to blink first.  
Well, one of the many Urds/Cupids out there.  
  
Fortunately, for her, at least, she had one in reserve. Why  
not? An ambush.  
  
"The Cavalry to the rescuuuuuuuue!!!" shouted one mini-Urd  
as she kamikazed through a glass window and tumbled onto her  
feet, rolling up to an completely off-guard mini-Cupid and  
sticking the barrel of the Super Heavy Cannon Mark XXI to  
the Cupid's head.  
  
And simultaneously, all the other mini-Urds grinned in  
synchronicity. "Surrender, fatso, or you get a new hole in  
your head."  
  
Wait. Why were all the Cupids grinning?  
  
And then mini-Urd felt a -click- near her ear. Out of the  
corner of her eyes, she saw Cupid smirk. "Why don't we pull  
ourselves together, eh, chick?"  
  
"Ain't this getting old?" one of the mini-Urd muttered.  
  
"Hey, ain't my fault," grumbled a mini-Cupid.  
  
~*~  
  
Tim sighed a breath of relief as all the mini-Urds and  
mini-Cupids pulled themselves into two entities once again.  
  
The sigh was matched by Mara. Perfect. Less Urds to deal  
with, the better.  
  
Cupid and Urd were busy holding rifles at each other's  
forehead. Not so perfect.  
  
"Surrender!" Urd shouted.  
  
"Not a chance, babycakes!" Cupid snarled, his finger  
convulsing on the trigger.  
  
"Put it down!"  
  
"You put it down!"  
  
"Drop it!"  
  
"You drop it!"  
  
Mara grinned. This was going to be fun, watching the two of  
them get their brains blown out. Of course, they probably  
didn't need them anyway. And it'd be amusing to watch them  
be headless for a while. She stretched, placing her hands  
on her neck. Ahh, life was good.  
  
And then Tim stepped forward. "Hey! Wait a minute!"  
  
Mara stared at the boy. Of all the approaches, she didn't  
think he'd do this.  
  
~*~  
  
This was probably very stupid, just telling them to wait,  
Tim admitted to himself. They could end up pointing those  
things at him instead, but something had to be done. He  
wondered how John Constantine would deal with this, but only  
briefly.  
  
"Wait a minute! Wait!"  
  
The two combatants slowly and cautiously swiveled their eyes  
to the approaching boy. Urd's brow wrinkled in confusion,  
while Cupid's widened in recognition.  
  
"Oh, hey Hunter," he said casually. "Whassup?"  
  
"I really do hate to interrupt you two here, you have no  
idea how much I do, but could you please have your gunfight  
in a more isolated place? You're hitting bystanders, and  
it's having a rather strange effect on them."  
  
"Hey," asked Urd. "Who's the kid? Name sounds familiar."  
  
"Tim Hunter," replied Cupid. "Magician."  
  
"Oh."  
  
This wasn't going quite like Tim was expecting, but at least  
nobody was shooting.  
  
~*~  
  
Mara was unhappy.  
  
Nobody was shooting.  
  
The kid actually cooled the situation, and without magic.  
Surprise, surprise.  
  
This had to be fixed, and soon.  
  
"The kid's right!" shouted Mara, striding confidently after  
the boy. "Random shooting: bad thing! That's no way to  
settle this, is it?"  
  
Both deities had the decency to look a little bashful at  
this point, grumbling, scratching the backs of ther heads,  
and pulling their guns away.  
  
"What are-" asked Tim, but the demoness cut him off.  
  
"Now then! What I see here is a god and a goddess looking  
to claim the title of Deity of Love, am I right? Am I  
right?"  
  
"Er-" said Urd.  
  
"I dunn-" said Cupid.  
  
"Of course I'm right," said Mara quickly. "What we need to  
prove here is LOVE, people! Love!"  
  
"I guess..."  
  
"Well, maybe.."  
  
"So here's the idea," said Mara. "Let's see some proof that  
you're better at making other people fall in love. You  
know, like in the old days. Zap with the arrows and all  
that neat stuff, yeah?"  
  
"Better than random shooting I guess..."  
  
"Kinda makes sense, yeah..."  
  
"Wait a minute!" protested Tim.  
  
Mara grinned. The trick with using a silver tongue was to  
never let'em have time to think about what she just said.  
  
"We're agreed?" asked Mara. "Great! Okay! On your mark!  
Get set! GOOOO!"  
  
Startled by the sudden countdown, the two fumbled with their  
weapons briefly, then disappeared. Mara sighed, a deep and  
satisfied sigh, and leaned lazily against the wall.  
  
"Yeeeep, still got the touch."  
  
"I don't think that improved the situation," said Tim.  
  
"Au contrare, mon ami," said Mara confidently. "They now  
have _focus_! They're out to make people _happy_, aren't  
they?"  
  
"I guess."  
  
"And I don't think you'd have liked the alternative."  
  
"Alternative?"  
  
"I _was_ going to suggest that they see if they can match  
_you_ up with someone."  
  
"No! No thanks!"  
  
"Uh huh. That's what I thought." Mara stretched, then  
rubbed her gloved hands together. "Now then, this is a good  
time to do something about those two."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Think a moment. While they're distracted, we could work on  
finding a solution." Gullible sucker.  
  
"Uh." Tim thought for a moment, bringing his hand to rub at  
his chin in thought. Oh, that was just too precious, him  
trying to look wise.  
  
Mara grinned broadly. "We could find Psyche."  
  
"Eh?" For some reason, Tim looked terribly unenthusiastic  
about this.  
  
Mara could care less. She figured it would take a while to  
locate Psyche, which would give her plenty of time to talk  
to Tim. And that was just fine with her. "You see, kid, I  
figure, hey, Cupid's upset. You know how it is. Frustrated,  
frantic, and he ends up shooting all over the place? So, we  
find Psyche, we patch things up, everything's copacetic."  
  
"I guess so." Tim shrugged.  
  
"So where to first?" Tim asked.  
  
Mara blinked. Hmmm...  
  
And then she grinned.  
  
"Italy."  
  
"WHAT?!"  
  
~*~  
  
~ Elsewhere in London ~  
  
High atop Big Ben, two snipers were setting up their nest.  
The unsuspecting populace below would never know what hit  
them.  
  
Cupid whistled while polishing his sniper rifle, while Urd  
flicked a few switches on her Super Heavy Cannon Mark XXI.  
  
"You gonna use THAT?" asked Cupid.  
  
Urd raised an eyebrow, then flicked a switch. The Super  
Heavy Cannon Mark XXI suddenly compressed, transforming from  
a massive cannon into a narrow tube. At the tip of the  
barrel, a laser scope popped up.  
  
"When accuracy is important," she said smugly.  
  
Cupid's expression flattened. "Uh huh. Skuld made that for  
ya, I bet."  
  
Urd grumbled, but didn't reply directly.  
  
"So, who goes first?" asked Cupid.  
  
"Got a coin?" asked Urd.  
  
"Oh. Right."  
  
They tossed the coin.  
  
Unseen, a mini-Mara watched from the shadows. No way was  
she going to miss what these two lunatics were going to do.  
  
~*~  
  
~ Italy ~  
  
He was in Italy.  
  
It was a nice part of Italy, a large section of countryside  
near the sea, but it was still Italy and very far from home.  
  
Tim had no foggy idea why, except that the demoness Mara had  
somehow dragged him there. Through some kind of CD network.  
Yeah, CD network. Apparently Mara travelled through CDs.  
It was just...very bloody stupid, but typical of his recent  
lifestyle, he supposed.  
  
"Remind me, why are we looking for Psyche?" he asked Mara.  
  
"Isn't it obvious?" she asked. "Oh, wait, you weren't here  
when he blew his little temper tantrum."  
  
"He blew a tantrum?"  
  
"Nothing to worry about," said Mara. "Didn't miss much.  
Anyway, seems that fatso's gone, pardon the pun, psycho,  
when Psyche left him."  
  
"Psyche?"  
  
"His girlfriend. Has this thing with butterflies."  
  
"Oh, her."  
  
Mara was about to continue, but the tone of Tim's voice made  
her curious. "Say... you met Cupid before?"  
  
"A year ago," he replied. "San Francisco."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"So, we're here to find Psyche, are we?"  
  
"Yep."  
  
"Why Italy?"  
  
"I... hrm. Actually, I have no idea. It just seemed like a  
place she'd go to."  
  
Tim crossed his arms and stared at her doubtfully. "Right."  
  
"Hey! It's an old Roman story, you know. Beautiful Psyche  
gets swept off her feet because stupid Cupid accidentally  
scratches himself with an arrow... Well, he says it's an  
accident, but between you and me, I don't buy that. I bet he  
shot himself in the foot and made up this story to cover up  
that... oh right, back to the point. Anyway, he takes her  
off to this... um..."  
  
Tim sighed. "A castle by the sea or something, a real  
secluded place. Right. So how do we find it?" He rubbed  
his head, looking towards the mountain range in the  
distance. "I suppose you want to check that out."  
  
Mara smiled. "Why not?"  
  
They stood there, staring at the mountains for a while.  
  
"So," said Mara.  
  
"So," said Tim.  
  
There was a moment of silence.  
  
"You can't 'magic' us over there?" asked Tim.  
  
"You mean you can't?" asked Mara.  
  
"No, I can't."  
  
Mara stared at Tim for a little bit, then shrugged. "Okay,  
I guess we walk. It's a nice morning for it anyway."  
  
~*~  
  
~ Back in London ~  
  
Both Urd and Cupid looked across the streets below with  
their target sights, looking for the perfect target.  
  
It was Urd's turn now, but there weren't any rules against  
Cupid just looking around.  
  
"Ah," said Urd. "Here we go."  
  
"Whassup?"  
  
"By the bus stop, bald boy about to walk by the Pakistani  
girl."  
  
She hesitated a moment, then pulled the trigger. Her weapon  
buzzed with the energy release, sending a narrow beam of  
pink energy right through the boy's heart. She fired a  
second time, this one hitting the girl. As the two walked  
by each other, they hesitated. Eye contact was made, with  
shy smiles exchanged.  
  
"Got it going, got it going," said Urd. "Here we go, here  
we go aaand..."  
  
The boy made a clumsy attempt at an opening line, not quite  
working but still amusing the girl. She talked back to him  
enthusiastically, and soon they were talking as if they'd  
known each other forever.  
  
Urd pumped her fist in the air, grinning. "Ba-BING! Point  
t'me!"  
  
Cupid was not impressed. "Wha'was dat?"  
  
"The boy is a neo-Nazi. He'd rather have slashed her throat  
than talked to her, and now there's a little more peace in  
the world. Top that, chunky."  
  
"Maybe I will," he said defiantly. Switching off the  
safety, he took aim. "See them two down there? Boy in  
blue, girlie in grey. S'a Montague-Capulet thang, see?"  
  
"Family rivalries, huh?"  
  
"Not anymo'." *BANG* *BANG*  
  
"Feh, passe." She took aim once more, tagging another pair  
through their hearts. "Girl was a lesbian."  
  
"Oh yeah?" *BANG*BANG* "Those dudes weren't gay."  
  
~*~  
  
~ A road in Italy ~  
  
Tim had to admit, it was a nice walk. The air was warm,  
but with the steady breeze it didn't feel so bad. The  
demoness Mara seemed to, for once, be quiet during the  
walk, though that was about to change.  
  
"Hey, kid, what's with you and magic? You don't seem to be  
using it at all."  
  
"Not going to," he replied.  
  
"Oh? Why?"  
  
"It's too much trouble," sighed Tim. "John might put up  
with it, I think he enjoys it, but I can't and I won't."  
  
"John?"  
  
"Constantine."  
  
Mara frowned. "Oh. Him."  
  
Tim nodded. "He seems to get that reaction from a lot of  
people."  
  
"You don't know the half of it," she grumbled.  
  
"I've enough of magic," continued Tim. "So one day I just  
let it all go."  
  
"Let it all go?" asked Mara. "What do you mean, let it go?"  
  
"I just... let it flow out into the world, I guess," said  
Tim. "I certainly don't use it anymore."  
  
Mara gave Tim an appraising look, then shook her head. "If  
you think you ditched the magic, think again kid. Nobody  
shakes the magic. You've still got it in you."  
  
Tim looked at Mara irritably. "You're the second girl to  
tell me that, and I'm not believing it now either."  
  
Mara thought about that for a moment, then laughed. "Ah, a  
magus in denial, this day just keeps getting more amusing."  
  
Tim stopped and glared at Mara. "What do you mean?" he said,  
clearly nettled.  
  
Mara put her hands to her hips, laughing. This irritated Tim  
even further, as Mara brought a hand up to waggle a finger at  
Tim.  
  
"Come on. Magic isn't something that can just be let go of.  
It's a part of you, and you know it. Just like good and evil,  
there's magic."  
  
Tim stuck his hands in his pockets, and grumbled, then walked  
on without a word.  
  
They spent the next few minutes making their way through  
high grassy fields, with the only sounds being the roar of  
the ocean, birdsong, and Mara humming something.  
  
"What's that you're humming?" Tim asked, at last.  
  
Mara replied, "ABBA."  
  
Tim nodded. "ABBA?"  
  
Mara nodded. "You ever been to a party where you hear a  
song, and it's just STUCK in your head?"  
  
"Not really."  
  
"Ah. Sheesh, kid, you need to loosen up."  
  
"That's funny. That's what John said." Tim kicked at a  
pebble in his path.  
  
Mara saw an opening. Was that a touch of envy? Something  
to work with.  
  
"How did you meet John?"  
  
Tim paused, and looked at Mara for a moment. "He tried to  
get me to use magic, him and a bunch of other magicians."  
  
Mara pondered for a moment. "Lemme guess, four of them?  
All wearing trenchcoats? One of them was blind?"  
  
Tim nodded  
  
"Aaah," said Mara. "The infamous Trenchcoat Brigade."  
  
"Infamous?"  
  
"Well, in my side of things, anyway. Those boys took down a  
lot of my co-workers, y'know."  
  
"Oh, I suppose they would be infamous, then," said Tim. He  
paused in thought. "There was this one thing they showed  
me," he slowly commented. "They showed me a future... it  
wasn't nice."  
  
Mara's brow wrinkled in thought. "You don't say? What kind  
of future?"  
  
"Oh, not much," said Tim. "Just a future version of me  
leading an army of darkness and evil on a campaign of terror  
and world domination." He thought about this for a moment.  
"I guess I would've been your boss."  
  
Mara smiled. Now THIS was interesting. "Guess so," she  
replied.  
  
"But, as I said, I don't do the magic anymore. Don't care  
what you or anyone else says."  
  
"If you say so," she replied pleasantly.  
  
At last they reached the mountain range, and within its  
shadows they found a small but elegant stone house. The  
architecture was that of classic rome, with perfectly white  
walls and cobblestone walkways.  
  
Tim looked at Mara expectantly, who was looking at him in  
the same way. He shrugged, then knocked on the wall next to  
the archway leading into the house.  
  
"Um, hello?"  
  
There was no answer.  
  
Tim peered through the archway. Still no answer. As he  
started to step in, Mara brushed past him, and yelled, "YOO  
HOOOOOOOOO! ANYONE HOME?!" She looked over at Tim  
briefly, and shrugged, giving a false smile. "Looks like  
nobody's home. Another place?"  
  
Perfect, more time to spend on bringing young Mr. Hunter to  
his true potential.  
  
Tim was about to respond, when a lone butterfly flew in.  
And then another. And then another.  
  
"Hey! What's this?!" Mara shouted, trying to cover her face  
as a swarm of butterflies suddenly filled the air, flowing  
in through the open-air house. The lack of a roof let in  
the sunlight and the butterflies, creating an air of magic,  
which consolidated...  
  
Tim stood there with a smirk, knowingly.  
  
In a moment, a young lady with eyes as old as the cosmos,  
and wings of gossamer, much like a butterfly, stood in the  
center of the swarm, a butterfly nestled on one finger.  
  
"You called?"  
  
~*~  
  
~ Back in London ~  
  
Both Urd and Cupid had taken a timeout on the day's  
competition, writing in their scorecard and tallying up the  
totals thus far.  
  
"Okay," said Urd. "Counting the twenty on the bus, I come  
out to a total of a hundred and sixty-eight." She nodded  
happily and scribbled the number on her scorecard.  
  
"Not so fast," said Cupid. "Ya got penalties."  
  
"Penalties?" asked Urd. "What the heck for?"  
  
"Leeeet's see," said Cupid. "You missed 12 of your shots,  
deduct six points. You made a dude fall in love with a fire  
hydrant, minus two. You hit a happily married man and now  
the punk's havin' an affair, minus ten. Few other penalties  
too."  
  
"Oh. Damn." Urd crossed out her earlier score, thought  
about it, then wrote down a new score. "A hundred and...  
thirty-eight."  
  
Feeling better about it, Cupid started to tally his own  
score, scribbling imaginary numbers in the air and mumbling.  
  
"Lesse... the two on the bridge... suicidal guy and the  
girlie cop... that boat on the Thames... a hundred and...  
ninety-three."  
  
He was about to write that number down, when Urd coughed  
loudly. "Ahem. You forgetting something?"  
  
Cupid was humble enough to look a little sheepish, pulling  
his pencil back. "Oh, yeah. Lesse... missed four... hit  
the dude and his dog... two passing seagulls..." He paused  
and asked Urd, "Hey, those two seagulls fell in love. S'at  
really a penalty?"  
  
"We weren't aiming for wildlife, Q-boy," replied Urd.  
"Points off."  
  
"Aw. Awright." He muttered a little longer, drew a few  
more imaginary figures in the air, then wrote down his  
tally. "A hundred'n sixty-eight."  
  
"Ah, damn." Urd tucked her scorecard away and sighed.  
"Hour break for lunch?"  
  
"Hour break."  
  
"Don't be late, fatboy."  
  
"I be here if you be here, bimbo."  
  
~*~  
  
~ Psyche's home in Italy ~  
  
"You called?" the young lady with the butterfly wings asked  
again. She seemed unusually somber, as she studied the slow  
fluttering of her butterfly.  
  
"Psyche?" Mara ventured.  
  
Psyche tilted her head, ignoring Mara, to give Tim a glance  
with one arched eyebrow. "What brings you here?"  
  
Tim lifted a hand to wave timidly. "Hello, Psyche. Ah,  
we're here, you know, to talk about..."  
  
"Cupid!" Mara cut in. She couldn't let the boy take  
control, not till she had him primed. Tim blinked at her  
owlishly.  
  
Psyche, however, shook her head, a small frown crossing her  
delicate face.  
  
"Cupid? What has he done now?"  
  
Tim rubbed his neck. "Ah, he..."  
  
"He's been out spreading love in all the wrong places, if  
you know what I mean," Mara cut in, with a grimace.  
  
Psyche shook her head. "He needs time to find himself."  
  
Now Mara looked confused. "But I thought you left him," she  
said, while Tim thought darkly about the whims of the gods.  
  
Psyche shook her head. "No... I sent him away." She sighed,  
returning her gaze to the butterfly on her finger. "If he  
couldn't live with himself, how could I?"  
  
Tim blinked. "What do you mean?"  
  
Psyche turned her attention back towards Tim, frowning.  
"Cupid's been trying too hard to prove himself."  
  
"In what?"  
  
"In love."  
  
"Um... why does he have to prove himself? He's the God of  
Love."  
  
Psyche raised an eyebrow. "He wanted to prove he could  
still cause people to fall in love." She made a face.  
"Hollywood and that musical bed-swapping was bad enough. I  
won't even go into what happened with that rock star and the  
rock star's daughter, and what he did in Washington DC was  
just sick. But when that thing with the basketball player  
fell apart the morning after... well, that was it." She  
sighed. "He was out of control, and I couldn't do anything  
to stop him. So I kicked him out and told him he was going  
to have to pull himself together, because I certainly  
couldn't do it for him."  
  
Mara took a step back, letting Tim converse, chuckling  
mentally. From the sounds of it, it sounded like a typical  
male tantrum because he couldn't recognize when he was  
overcompensating and resented being told so. Now how could  
she turn that to her benefit? She motioned for Tim to  
continue, when he looked at her hesistantly, a bit confused.  
  
Tim looked uncomfortable. And why not? Love hadn't been a  
successful thing for him these days. Still, he gave it a  
shot, seeing as he was the one on the spot. "Ah... well,  
he's... um..." He rubbed his neck, unsure how to bring up  
the subject of love with Cupid's ex, and ended up looking  
back towards Mara for advice.  
  
Mara caught Tim's glance and saw she wasn't about to have  
much time to think of something, so she shrugged, throwing  
off a casual explanation. "Well, Cupid's busy shooting up  
London at the moment."  
  
Now a hint of anger crossed Psyche's face. "Of course he'd  
react that way. I should've known. Typical male  
pigheadness." She released the butterfly on her finger,   
and turned to Tim. "Take me to him."  
  
Mara frowned. Not much more time to work her way into Tim's  
confidence either, it seemed. Ah well, it couldn't be  
helped. But... maybe if Cupid and Psyche remained on the  
outs...  
  
"I'll take you to them." Mara said.  
  
Tim regarded her curiously.  
  
"What? I'm keeping an eye on them already, and they're not  
doing anything. Much. Lardass's scarfing himself, and Urd  
looks like she's guzzling sake by the gallon. Oh, I think  
they're about ready to start up again... yep."  
  
Psyche looked up towards Mara, and nodded.  
  
"Then we depart."  
  
~*~  
  
~ London once again ~  
  
Urd blew on the smoking barrel of her weapon, grinning like  
a cheshire cat. "Top that, hotshot."  
  
He had to admit, that was a pretty good one, for the guy to  
fall back in love with the girl that chopped his... well...  
  
Cupid just grumbled, and began to scan the city for  
something adequately impressive. With that last shot, Urd  
was almost even with-  
  
"And may I remind ya, I've now got the lead," said Urd  
smugly.  
  
Cupid frowned. "Ho'up! Wha'cha mean you got the lead?!"  
  
Urd pulled her scorecard out and pointed at the latest  
score. "See?"  
  
Cupid squinted as he read the numbers, then scowled.  
"Waiiiit a minute! That ain't right!"  
  
It wasn Urd's turn to wrinkle her brow and scowl.  
"Whadayamean it ain't right? The damn math is right in  
front of ya."  
  
"You counted THAT as a triple score?" he asked skeptically.  
  
Urd looked at what Cupid was pointing at and snorted. "Of  
course it's a triple score!"  
  
"Bull-shee-ite!" spat Cupid. "A woman pregnant with twins  
should only count as ONE!"  
  
"Bullshit your own fatass self!" yelled Urd.  
  
"Don't be callin'me a fatass!" Both sensed a snapping point  
in tension and reflexively lunged for their guns in a  
spinning motion. As they turned around, they both found  
themselves staring down the business ends of sticks that  
went "boom".  
  
And then a butterfly drifted betwen them, landing on Cupid's  
barrel.  
  
They both could sense there was something amiss about that  
butterfly, though Cupid was fairly sure what was going to  
happen next.  
  
"Aw man."  
  
Suddenly, the air was filled with a blizzard of butterflies,  
turning the afternoon sky into a myriad of rainbow colors in  
the sunlight. There was a subtle scent of flowers in the  
air, and then an elfin female figure emerged from the  
butterfly blizzard, looking at Cupid with sadness and pity.  
Tim and Mara followed a second later.  
  
"What are you doing here?" Cupid snarled, glaring at Psyche.  
The sentiments were echoed by Urd to Mara. Tim stood off to  
the side, looking rather embarrassed.  
  
Mara retorted, "Just helping out," before motioning for Urd  
to shut up and watch the two reunited lovers.  
  
Psyche crossed her arms just a bit, her eyes full of  
disappointment. Cupid wanted to hide. But he managed to  
suck in his considerable gut and stand up. "See, I'm  
getting along just fine without you, eh?"  
  
Psyche's voice was as cold as the dark nights of winter.  
"Spreading love and joy around the world, aren't you?"  
  
"Um, right, dear, I can explain."  
  
Psyche tapped her foot, crossing her arms, and Cupid, for  
that moment, suddenly realized he wasn't facing the quietly  
passive Psyche he'd been with the last few centuries. Here,  
then, was the Psyche who'd undertaken three nearly  
impossible tasks for Aphrodite for love. The Psyche who had  
bewitched mortal men, to the point where she'd drawn  
Aphrodite's attention and jealousy. The Psyche that Cupid  
had fallen in love with.  
  
Cupid was dizzy. He just had to sit down.  
  
If only he could get out of this. There just wasn't  
anything as bad as a woman making you feel like you'd done  
something very wrong when you hadn't...  
  
She had to be wrong. No. She was the one who left him.  
  
~*~  
  
Mara was frowning to herself. The guy still had it bad for  
Psyche, even if he hadn't really cared all that much about  
how she felt the last few years.  
  
But fortunately, she had a way to make sure that things  
wouldn't go too smoothly. Men were so easy to deal with.  
  
Mara sauntered up behind Urd, a carefully planned move, then  
said to Cupid, "Hey, come on. Be a man. Go apologize."  
  
Cupid's head jerked up to stare at her, and by virtue of her  
position, Urd's smirk as well. This didn't help calm things  
down at all, which was (to Mara) the entire point.  
  
And of course, Cupid immediately reacted as she'd hoped.  
  
"Hell, no! I didn't do anything wrong!"  
  
And Cupid immediately grabbed for his rifle.  
  
Perfect.  
  
Urd aimed her cannon-rifle at Cupid. "Put that down, fat  
boy!"  
  
Even better.  
  
"Make me!" Cupid snarled.  
  
Tim took a good step back.  
  
Mara grinned. High tension moment. Had to yell just the  
right word... nothing that would diffuse the situation, but  
nothing too obvious either. Oh, this would work...  
  
"Hey!"  
  
At her yell, Cupid twitched and opened fire by reflex. Urd  
dove to the side, nailing Cupid right between the eyes.  
  
"Stop it!" cried Psyche, "both of you!"  
  
"Say," said Tim. "Aren't those the guns..."  
  
Mara ignored them both, staring at her chest. Chocolate  
splattered all over her clothes. Hah. She looked back up,  
ready to deliver a tongue-lashing to the big fat idiot. She  
locked eyes with the deity, then froze.  
  
Now why hadn't she noticed what a handsome man he really  
was? That little beer belly was just so perfect. Oh, and  
the chocolate splatter on his chest just set off his eyes so  
perfectly...  
  
Dimly, she heard Urd cry, "Oh damn."  
  
But Mara didn't care.  
  
She was in Love.  
  
And, judging by the look she saw in Cupid's eyes...  
  
So was he.  
  
- end part 2 -  
  
----------------------------  
  
LOVE, n.  
  
A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of  
the patient from the influences under which he incurred the  
disorder. This disease, like caries and many other  
ailments, is prevalent only among civilized races living  
under artificial conditions; barbarous nations breathing  
pure air and eating simple food enjoy immunity from its  
ravages. It is sometimes fatal, but more frequently to the  
physician than to the patient.  
  
-The Devil's Dictionary, by Ambrose Bierce  



	4. The Demon Who Shagged Me

"Is it my imagination... or have we just been shot?"  
  
-Tim Hunter to Leah,  
"The Books of Magic: Girl in the Box"  
  
~*~  
  
Tim removed his glasses, sighed, and started to clean them  
with his shirt.  
  
He then stuck his hands in his pants, glanced up towards the  
sky, and looked towards the scene, and sighed.  
  
There were moments when one had to stop and think, to take  
stock of what, exactly, they were doing with their lives.  
  
It was a fine, ordinary day, a morning where he was minding  
his own business, when suddenly the city of London became a  
war zone for two deities running amuck: Cupid, whom he'd  
encountered before, and some goddess calling herself Urd.  
  
They were both heavily armed, could make miniature duplicates  
of themselves, and were all over the city.  
  
Ordinary folks couldn't see them, though, only the magically  
inclined. Much to his chagrin, he was still included in the  
group.  
  
He'd managed to calm down the conflicting parties, only to  
have the demoness Mara take over the negotiations. This  
changed the situation for the better... somewhat. Instead  
of shooting indiscrminately at each other all around the  
city, they were discriminately sniper-shooting people.  
  
With love bullets, of course.  
  
To Tim, it was a fairly lousy solution, but Mara didn't give  
him time to oppose. She dragged him off to Italy to find  
Cupid's significant other, Psyche.  
  
After a morning stroll through the fields of Italy, they  
found her. Mercifully uneventful trip, that.  
  
And then they came back, a few words were spoken, and the  
next thing he knew...  
  
A couple of gunshots.  
  
And then...  
  
A demoness and Cupid, in love with each other.  
  
This couldn't be good.  
  
It seemed to be like most of his adventures in the past -  
nothing of his doing, but something that'd drag him along to  
the bitter end.  
  
And as usual, he hadn't a clue how to fix this one.  
  
"Oh boy," he sighed.  
  
"No kidding," muttered Urd.  
  
~*~  
  
Rod M. & David Tai  
present  
  
The finale of the  
Oh My Goddess / Vertigo Trilogy  
  
Meddling Fates  
  
Part 3  
  
The Demon Who Shagged Me  
  
~*~  
  
"Oh, sweetie..." Mara cooed.  
  
"Oh darling..." Cupid responded, bringing a hand to her  
cheek.  
  
"I'm going to be ill," Psyche said, taking a step forward  
and grabbing ahold of Cupid's ear. She gave a tug, and  
Cupid yelped, following her guidance. "Come along, we're  
going to have a loooooooooong talk."  
  
Mara yelped, "What are you doing?!" as she sought to free  
Cupid. Failing, she threw her arms forward, a spell forming  
on her lips.  
  
Tim waved frantically. "Hey, wait! Wait!"  
  
That drew Urd's attention. She was at Mara's side quickly,  
yanking her arms down. "Cut it out, already!"  
  
Psyche, meanwhile, was giving Cupid quite a dressing down.  
And yet, Cupid kept glancing at Mara.  
  
And Mara was slowly building up her demoness powers. And a  
Demoness First Class was nothing to be trifled with.  
  
Urd saw the power building and tried to snap her rival and  
friend out of it. "Aw heck, Mara, cool it! Hey!"  
  
"Shaddup, Urd. She's got my honeybuns!"  
  
"Honeybuns?! Mara, you're not thinking clearly!"  
  
"Clear enough to do this," replied Mara. A burst of smoke  
suddenly surrounded her, causing Urd to cough and pull away.  
Urd swore she didn't let go of Mara, but when she pulled  
away from the smoke she found herself holding a CD.  
  
At the same time, Mara reappeared behind Cupid, shoved  
Psyche away from him, and disappeared with Cupid in another  
burst of smoke, leaving behind a befuddled group of people.  
  
Tim sighed. Urd was stunned, which was why she was easily  
grabbed by the neck and throttled by Psyche.  
  
"WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?!"  
  
"It's not my fault!" cried Urd.  
  
"Actually," interrupted Tim, "If what Mara said is right, it  
is your fault."  
  
"Shut up!"  
  
Psyche's face twitched in anger, then she threw up her hands  
and yelled, "That's it! I've had it! I'm going home!" She  
exploded into a swarm of butterflies that dissipated into  
the morning sky.  
  
"Aw man," mumbled Urd. "How'm I gonna..." She finally  
noticed Tim, and turned to him hopefully. "Say, you're that  
next magus kid, right?"  
  
Tim muttered, "If I had a shilling for every..."  
  
"What's that?"  
  
"Well, yes, but..."  
  
"Perfect, come on!" And Urd grabbed Tim by the hand.  
  
They were gone before Tim even blinked, leaving behind a  
landscape of mad love.  
  
~*~  
  
"That was just BEAUTIFUL, lovey-dove!" Cupid exclaimed,  
wrapping his arms around Mara's waist from behind her. "Now  
what shall we do? Ah, I know..." he commented, starting to  
nuzzle her ear.  
  
They were at Mara's place, and were currently sitting on her  
coffin, where she normally would sleep. Mara leaned back  
into the hug, placing her hands on Cupid's arms. She smiled  
back, tilting her head towards her studmuffin. "What a  
wonderful idea."  
  
A few minutes of blissful snuggling and kissing resumed,  
before Mara pulled away. "No, wait, we have a problem," she  
said, bringing a finger to her lips thoughtfully.  
  
"Oh?" Cupid said, pulling away and reaching for his Uzi.  
"What is it? I'll blow them all away!"  
  
Mara looked pensive, pulling away to look up at Cupid. "I  
love you, dear, but... I don't think anyone else would  
approve. Especially not Urd."  
  
"Aw, forget about them." Cupid tried to snuggle her again.  
Mara pushed him away.  
  
"And don't forget Psyche."  
  
"Psyche?" Cupid said, looking guiltily around. Mara sighed.  
  
"We need to stop them, don't we dear?"  
  
Cupid cocked his Uzi. "Yes."  
  
"Good. Now give me a kiss."  
  
"Yes, lovecakes."  
  
~*~  
  
The back porch of the Morisato residence was filled with the  
pattering of footsteps as Skuld paced back and forth  
impatiently across it. She'd been waiting for Urd to come  
back, so that she'd know how her Super Heavy Cannon Mark XXI  
performed on the field.  
  
Poking her head out from the back door, Belldandy asked,  
"Still hasn't come back?" in Japanese.  
  
"Not yet," said Skuld. "She's taking forEVER!"  
  
"I'm sure she'll be back as soon as she can," assured  
Belldandy, "but I was asking about Keiichi and Megumi.  
They should have been back by now."  
  
"Who cares about that boy?" Skuld snorted, before she  
pouted. "Urd's probably out drinking."  
  
"Well, Urd-"  
  
Before Belldandy could finish, a bright light suddenly  
filled the inside of the house, and the distinctive sound of  
a teleport rippled through the air.  
  
"About time!" grumped Skuld.  
  
Belldandy and Skuld went back into the house, then blinked  
at the sight that greeted them: a young boy with owlish  
glasses that seemed more confused than them, standing next  
to an agitated Urd.  
  
"Um... hello?" the boy said timidly, speaking English. He  
turned to Urd, asking, "Where are we now? Japan?"  
  
Urd nodded. "Yep." She turned her attention to her  
sisters, gesturing to Tim with an arm. "Guys, this is Tim  
Hunter, magus. Tim, my sisters Skuld and Belldandy," she  
said, motioning to each goddess as she introduced them.  
  
Belldandy nodded, while Skuld seemed a bit put off.  
  
"He's not the magus," muttered Skuld in Japanese. "John  
is."  
  
"He's the magus," said Urd confidently. "Or he will be,  
anyway."  
  
"Um, excuse me," said Tim timidly, feeling just a bit left  
out.  
  
"He won't be as good as John," huffed Skuld, ignoring Tim.  
  
"Oh my," said Belldandy. "Won't you have a seat, Tim? I'll  
make some tea."  
  
"Um, thank you," said Tim shyly as he took a seat. Somehow  
it was hard to say no to someone like Belldandy when she  
spoke in just that way she had, tilting her face and  
smiling.  
  
Belldandy smiled comfortingly as she poured the tea out.  
Tim took the moment to glance at Urd and Skuld. Both were  
squibbling over something he didn't understand, but felt it  
had to do with magic. And he didn't like that one bit. He  
glanced up at Belldandy. Somehow, for some reason, he felt  
comfortable with this woman before him. Maybe it was that  
calm, reassuring grey-brown gaze that felt like an anchor in  
a sea of chaos, but...  
  
"Uh, I'm not a magician, not anymore, really," Tim said,  
lowering his head, feeling he had to clarify something. He  
just couldn't meet those sweet eyes of Belldandy's. He  
realized, with a start, that he didn't want to disappoint  
her.  
  
Belldandy continued watching Tim, before she slowly smiled.  
She didn't say a word, but somehow Tim got the feeling, even  
as he looked back at her beautiful calm face. He sighed to  
himself.  
  
"So, umm, who is she?" Tim asked, nodding his head towards  
Urd.  
  
"She hasn't introduced herself? Oh dear. My sister, Urd."  
  
"Right... I figured as much. I meant, who exactly are you  
guys?" Tim asked, reaching for his tea.  
  
Belldandy only smiled briefly, and told Tim, briefly, of the  
Goddess Relief Service, and of how she and her sisters came  
to be with Keiichi Morisato.  
  
"Awright then, let's look it up in the records!" yelled  
Urd.  
  
"Fine! Let's!" challenged Skuld.  
  
Tim found Belldandy's story a little hard to believe. And  
truth be told, he was a bit envious of Keiichi. After all,  
his introduction to magic had come at the hands of four  
trenchcoated men. And not a beautiful goddess.  
  
Though Zatanna wasn't bad either. Not at all.  
  
Still, the way Belldandy was looking at him, as though she  
knew his story... he felt compelled to explain himself, just  
a bit. Though his thoughts were getting derailed a bit by  
the squabbling in the background.  
  
"Ha!" shouted Urd triumphantly. "Says so right here!"  
  
Skuld's eyes bugged out. "Whaaaaat?! But... but John's so  
much cooler! No way!"  
  
"Don't mind them," said Belldandy soothingly. "They're  
always like this."  
  
"Oh... er... right."  
  
And so he told her a bit about how he'd discovered the magic.  
How the magic controlled his life. And finally, how he'd given it up.  
  
Belldandy nodded and smiled at the proper times, but at the  
end of his tale, she gave a small sad smile, shaking her  
head at the notion of giving up the magic.  
  
"You're going to tell me that it's in me too?" Tim commented,  
holding his cup of tea and drinking.  
  
Belldandy clasped her hands and lowered her head. "Of  
course," she said simply, as if that was all to it.  
  
And maybe it was, Tim pondered, a small frown crossing his  
face.  
  
"I bet I can do better than you and that so-called magus  
combined!" yelled Skuld.  
  
Tim tried very hard to ignore the conversation, unsure what  
they were talking about yet having a bad feeling they were  
discussing him. He took another sip of tea. Not bad stuff,  
even if they didn't use milk and sugar.  
  
"Oh yeah? I bet I could do better!" countered Urd.  
  
Belldandy's smile almost slipped, as she glanced towards Urd  
and Skuld, then she simply reached out and poured more tea  
for herself, and sipped.  
  
"Yeah?! I'll make a new gun and we'll see who laughs last!"  
Skuld said, as she stomped off to her room.  
  
Belldandy lifted her chin up, offering a small smile, as her  
eyes opened to meet Tim's gaze. Tim relaxed just a bit,  
letting the tea soothe his frazzled nerves...  
  
"Fine!" Urd exclaimed, as she stomped towards Tim. "Come  
on, boy! We've got work to do!"  
  
And that was the last sight Tim had, before Urd dragged him  
away, leaving behind a trail of spilled tea.  
  
The sight of Belldandy smiling at him, as if she believed he  
could do what he could do. Whatever that was.  
  
~*~  
  
Keiichi Morisato was having a fairly good day. He had  
actually had a nice quiet afternoon with Belldandy, and  
scarcely saw Skuld all day. Even his sister Megumi's  
arrival didn't bother him; they got along pretty well, and  
it was a nice dinner. Then Tamiya and his friends had  
hauled him and Megumi out to a party, which was not so good  
considering their idea of partying was to guzzle alcohol  
like crazy. They'd finally managed to sneak out, and were  
on their way back in companiable silence. He glanced  
briefly at Megumi, who was chattering away about different  
things, and couldn't help but smile. She was a pretty darn  
cool sister and---  
  
"Keiichi?" Megumi said, indicating a figure leaning  
against a tree just outside of the temple walls. "Who's  
that?"  
  
"Eh?" Keiichi said, startled out of his reverie. "I don't  
know, I can't tell..." His voice trailed off as he spied  
just who it was.  
  
"We meet again, Keiichi Morisato."  
  
"Mara."  
  
Wonderful. When would he ever learn never to tempt Fate?  
  
~*~  
  
"Look here!" Urd said, swinging open her cabinet doors and  
sweeping her hand at the rows and rows of jars. "These are  
all the love potions I've ever made! We're sure to solve  
the problem!" She began laughing.  
  
"Um... but don't you have any antidotes?"  
  
"Antidote? Er..." Urd stopped laughing.  
  
Tim took the opportunity to look over the rows, and shook  
his head. It just seemed so utterly silly to him, but it  
was something to work with. He picked up a promising jar,  
even though it was marked in a strange unreadable language.  
  
Urd immediately snatched it back. "Not that one, it'd turn  
you 259 shades of pink."  
  
Pink? Best not to ask.  
  
"So what happened with... er, that other girl?" Tim asked,  
checking over another jar.  
  
"Skuld?" Urd blinked. Then she eh-hehed nervously. "Oh,  
she gave me grief about treatin' her toy roughly. Don't  
worry about it, she's working on a new one."  
  
As if on cue, loud banging, and small stifled yells  
resonated from the next room.  
  
"Her toy?" asked Tim.  
  
"The large gun I was using."  
  
"Oh." He blinked. "_She_ made it."  
  
Urd shrugged. "She likes that sorta thing."  
  
Tim shook his head, and finally asked, "So why am I here?"  
  
"You're a magus, boy. Clean up after yourself."  
  
"Clean up after my--- HEY! You got me into this."  
  
"Oh, don't be such a sourpuss," she said, tossing some  
packets over her shoulder. "What's the matter, haven't  
gotten laid recently?"  
  
"HEY! None of your business!"  
  
"Oho..." Urd said, putting the jar she was holding down on a  
table. "Is that it, Tim?"  
  
"NO!" Tim flushed.  
  
She leaned forward, giving Tim an extremely generous view of  
her cleavage. Her cat-like grin was far too close to his  
face for comfort as well.  
  
"D-do you mind not standing so close?"  
  
She couldn't help it; Urd loved teasing men and boys who  
were shy around the fairer sex. She slid to his side  
smoothly, snaking an arm around Tim's elbow and pulling him  
closer. Oh, this was as fun as teasing Keiichi.  
  
"C'mon, relax," cooed Urd. She snapped her fingers,  
bringing a red fluffy couch into existence behind them.  
Without warning, she pulled Tim backwards, landing them both  
on the couch.  
  
"Um, U-Urd? I don't think we should really-"  
  
"Relax, I said," ordered Urd, sitting next to Tim with an  
arm still draped around his shoulder. "Tense magicians do  
lousy magic."  
  
"Didn't I mention I don't do magic?" asked Tim. "I just  
think you should know."  
  
Urd blinked.  
  
"No, really?" she asked. Urd examined Tim doubtfully.  
  
By now, he knew what to expect next. "I know, I know, I've  
still got the look of magic, or some rubbish like that, but  
I really _am_ trying to drop the habit, so I'd really  
appreciate it if you could just leave me out of it?"  
  
Urd crossed her arms, deep in thought. "Okay, I get the  
feeling that whatever I'm about to say to you regarding  
being stuck on the path of magic is gonna be fairly  
redundant at this point..."  
  
She looked at him, waiting for an answer. He nodded. Urd  
frowned, tilted her head, then continued.  
  
"... so, er..." Urd scratched her head. "Just wondering,  
any particular reason _why_ you're trying to shake the  
magic? I mean, sure it has its pitfalls, but it can be  
really wonderful, y'know."  
  
Ah, thought Tim. Yet again, time to recap his life history.  
Before he could do that, a loud shot rang out from the room  
next door, followed by a scream.  
  
"What was that?!" yelled Tim.  
  
Urd's eyes opened wide. "Skuld!"  
  
The two raced quickly to the next room, Urd in the lead, and  
skidded to a halt at the sight that greeted them.  
  
Standing in the middle of a tangle of wires and computers,  
Skuld stood in shock and disbelief. There was a big  
chocolate smear on her shirt, and she was staring down at  
it.  
  
"Someone shot me!" Skuld screamed angrily. "Some big freak  
popped in and shot me! With chocolate!"  
  
"Well, that looks familiar," quipped Tim.  
  
Unfortunately, his timing was horrible. Skuld, already in a  
bad mood, wasn't pleased to hear the voice of some kid who  
was supposed to be better than her favorite magician, John  
Constantine.  
  
"You shut up!" Skuld yelled, glaring at Tim.  
  
Tim froze.  
  
Urd froze.  
  
At the same time, they both muttered, "Uh-oh."  
  
And Skuld's opinion of Tim suddenly became much better.  
  
~*~  
  
"Hello, Belldandy. Have you seen that boyfriend of yours  
lately?"  
  
"He should be back soon from the..." Belldandy said as she  
turned around from the kitchen. She broke off as she saw  
who had spoken.  
  
"Cupid?" Belldandy gasped, a hand flying to cover her mouth.  
"Why are you doing this? Where's Keiichi?"  
  
"Oh your sweetheart?" Cupid smirked, indicating the outdoors  
with the point of his Uzi. "He's out there, along with his  
sister, with a mutual acquaintance of ours. Ah, that Mara,  
she's quite a fly girl, isn't she?"  
  
"MARA!" Belldandy gasped, already dashing outside.  
  
Cupid grinned, and called out after Belldandy, "And I'm  
doing this BECAUSE I CAN!" before turning back to the  
hallway from which he came. "Now to see how Urd liked my  
little gift."  
  
~*~  
  
Ah yes, thought Tim, just what I needed. After having a  
relationship with a tempermental Irish girl and a succubus,  
obviously the next step would be to become involved with a  
goddess. A _kid_ goddess at that.  
  
Yes. Good move. Brilliant.  
  
Shit.  
  
"Would you please let go of my arm?"  
  
"Why?" asked Skuld. "Don't you like me?"  
  
"Er... you're nice, but..."  
  
"You do like me! Yay!"  
  
Tim winced. Urd sighed and covered her face with a hand.  
  
"Could you please help me out here?" asked Tim.  
  
Urd blinked, shrugged, then grabbed Skuld by the arm. "Kid,  
think for a minute, willya? Weren't you saying just a  
minute ago how much this guy paled in comparison to your  
boytoy Johnny?"  
  
Skuld blushed. "John's cute... but Tim's cute... can't I  
have them both?"  
  
Urd and Tim both sighed and smacked their foreheads at the  
same time. "Of course it wouldn't be that easy," muttered  
Urd. "C'mo-"  
  
"BECAUSE I CAN!" yelled a familiar, gruff voice, from  
somewhere outside.  
  
Urd and Tim looked at each other.  
  
"Cupid?" asked Tim.  
  
Urd nodded, eyes narrowing. "That fatass, he's MINE!" Urd  
strode out the door quickly, grabbing the Super Heavy Cannon  
Mark XXI on her way out.  
  
"Hey! Wait!" cried Tim. "What about me? Er, and her?" he  
asked, pointing to Skuld.  
  
"You two get cozy," replied Urd, not looking back. "I find  
Cupid-boy, beat him silly, and get'em to fix this mess.  
That's the plan."  
  
"That's the plan?!"  
  
"Back in a bit, kid." Urd opened the door, diving out of it  
into a roll, opening fire immediately. Someone unseen,  
presumably Cupid, returned fire, which Urd dodged by leaping  
up to the ceiling and clinging to it like a spider. "COME  
GET SOME!" roared Urd, who then charged onward with her  
cannon blazing.  
  
"Well that's just great," sighed Tim.  
  
"It sure is!" agreed Skuld. "We're alone at last!"  
  
"Oh no, not again." Tim tried, unsuccessfully, to pull away  
from Skuld. After seeing how hopeless this was, he  
surrendered to the fact that Skuld wouldn't be leaving his  
side any time soon, and walked back to Urd's room.  
  
"Where're we going, Timmy?" asked Skuld.  
  
"_We_ are going to Urd's room," replied Tim. "I really  
didn't want to do this, but I'll try magic, dammmit. One  
more bloody time, I'll try magic."  
  
Tim paused in mid-rant, then turned to Skuld.  
  
"And don't call me Timmy," he said.  
  
"Awww, why not?"  
  
"Just _don't._"  
  
~*~  
  
"Ah, you're here, finally." Mara straightened up from the  
tree against which she had been leaning, smiling. Of  
Keiichi and Megumi, there was no sign.  
  
Belldandy frowned, her hands clenched at her side. "Where's  
Keiichi?"  
  
Mara smirked, and only pointed up at the branches of the  
tree above her.  
  
Belldandy looked up, trying to make out the forms in the  
growing darkness. Megumi and Keiichi were sitting in the  
branch of the trees...  
  
Belldandy gasped, then brought a hand to her lips. High  
above them, Keiichi and Megumi sat, Megumi on Keiichi's lap  
while her lips were slowly working their way across his  
face.  
  
"Keiichi?" called Belldandy.  
  
The boy moaned a little, quite distracted and actually  
pleased with the attentions his sister was giving him.  
  
Oh my, thought Belldandy, someone twisted Megumi's mind  
again, thinking she's in love with her bro.... why is  
Keiichi kissing her back?  
  
"Keiichi!"  
  
Mara sniggered. "Isn't it precious?"  
  
Belldandy's eyes filled with tears. "Oh my, Keiichi..."  
  
"Isn't it perfect? I get to deal with you, while Cupid's  
dealing with your sisters in the temple. Not that I  
couldn't get through the demon wards, but why go to all that  
trouble when I've got the God of Love wrapped around my  
little finger?" Mara said, chuckling. Oddly enough, Mara  
was glancing at the temple every once in a while. As if  
checking on someone.  
  
Belldandy's reaction was short and sweet.  
  
She brought her hands up, and blasted Mara with a light  
beam.  
  
~*~  
  
He stared at the seemingly endless rows of potions, herbs,  
and unidentifiable things that constituted Urd's lab. Tim  
Hunter tried to open himself to the magic once more, to let  
his intuition guide him. It was difficult, far more  
difficult than when magic was raging through his veins, but  
it was still there.  
  
He felt it, but only faintly now, barely within reach. A  
few of the weaker potions revealed their purpose to him on  
instinct. He had a rough idea of what would happen if he  
mixed some of them together.  
  
But he couldn't focus enough.  
  
Tim was being distracted.  
  
"Would you _please_ let go of my arm? I'm trying important  
magus-like stuff here."  
  
"Do I have to?" asked Skuld. She gave Tim sad puppy-dog  
eyes, but he would have none of it.  
  
"_Yes_ you do."  
  
Skuld sighed and released his arm, watching him with starry  
eyes as he stared at the table with intense concentration.  
Mercifully, he didn't notice.  
  
"Say," said Tim. "There's something... something strange  
about this place. Magic seems to flow here rather, um,  
fluidly."  
  
"That's because it's a temple!" replied Skuld cheerily.  
"Magic flows better on holy land."  
  
"Ooh, is that why...?" He focused once more on Urd's racks  
of potions, and once more found their purposes and effects  
slowly revealed, merely by intuition. Now what would make a  
powerful enough antidote for...  
  
Oh.  
  
Problem.  
  
He'd need to know how powerful Cupid's magic was in  
comparison. Actually, he didn't _need_ to know, but it  
would help a lot.  
  
Now how would he... oh. There was still chocolate residue  
from Cupid's shot on Skuld's shirt.  
  
"Hey Skuld," Tim said distractedly, lost in thought. "Lemme  
have your shirt?"  
  
Skuld blinked, then flushed an attractive pink as she toyed  
with the buttons on her shirt nervously. "Oh... I don't  
know, don't you think... well... we should know each other a  
bit better?"  
  
Tim replied scintillatingly. "Huh?"  
  
"But... if you really... I mean..."  
  
He turned around, then noticed the state Skuld was in, and  
that she had unbuttoned the top of her shirt.  
  
"Nonono!" he said quickly, waving his hands in a frantic  
manner. "I didn't mean that!"  
  
Skuld seemed partly saddened, partly relieved at his words.  
"You didn't?"  
  
"No! I need to see the stuff that Cupid shot you with."  
  
"Oh... okay."  
  
Tim turned to look at her, examining the chocolate that  
clung to her shirt. Strong stuff, that. He could sense the  
stuff was overflowing with magic power.  
  
At this point, a mini-Urd coughed politely, interrupting his  
thoughts. He turned to look at her. "Oh. Hello, what's  
up?"  
  
"I just popped in to check on you guys," said Mini-Urd.  
"But I see you're busy staring at Skuld's chest."  
  
Tim blinked, then realized that was exactly what he'd been  
doing. He blushed, once again waving his hands frantically.  
"It's not like that! Really!" he exclaimed, as Skuld  
blushed and immediately covered her chest protectively with  
her arms, exclaiming, "URD!"  
  
Mini-Urd smirked wickedly. "If you REALLY want something to  
look at, just wait till this is all over, boy," she said,  
striking a quick cheesecake pose. Tim blinked as he stared  
at Urd, then felt a sudden pain in his side.  
  
As Skuld hmphed, withdrawing her elbow from Tim's side, the  
mini-Urd grinned slyly. "Whatever, Hunter. Just lock the  
door, okay? I don't want Cupid barging in here."  
  
"Oh, r-right." Tim said, sidling just a bit away from Skuld.  
"Oh, about your potions..."  
  
"Oh them. Don't touch them, these aren't for amateurs."  
And with that, mini-Urd disappeared.  
  
Tim blinked, looked over at Skuld, then back towards where  
the mini-Urd had disappeared, and scowled, saying to no one  
in particular:  
  
"What am I supposed to use to fix this mess, harsh  
language?!"  
  
~*~  
  
This time it was different.  
  
Urd didn't unleash a horde of mini-Urds, and Cupid did  
likewise. They both knew this time their surroundings were  
too tight to allow it, and that starting a mini-spawn war  
again would just escalate into a no-win situation like last  
time.  
  
This time it was just one Urd and one Cupid.  
  
She'd chased Cupid out of the house, into the forest area  
behind the temple grounds. At that point, she lost sight of  
him. From there, it had become a matter of hide and seek,  
in the dark forest. Rather than rely on her eyes, Urd tried  
to tune in and locate Cupid by sensing his energy signature.  
  
She moved carefully, turning her head everywhere,  
concentrating on the search of her prey. "Where are you,  
Q-ball?" she muttered to herself.  
  
Suddenly from behind she heard the leaves rustle. She spun  
around and jumped away, firing into the trees as she did. A  
blur of a shadow moved through the trees, but Urd kept her  
eye on it and opened fire with another round of cannon  
blasts. Cupid jumped out from the bushes, over Urd's shots,  
and rained down a storm of bullets from his two Uzis as he  
flew. Twisting hard to the left, Urd first rolled under,  
then jumped over the barrage of bullets.  
  
Urd dove behind a cluster of trees, then flicked a switch.  
She grinned like a cheshire cat, knowing this new little  
trick would surprise her enemy.  
  
With agility that only a goddess would have, she literally  
ran up the tree, jumping off of it at its top. She flew up  
an amazing distance, looking down at the forest below. Urd  
quickly spotted Cupid, down below where she was standing  
just a moment ago, and she opened fire.  
  
The cannon spat its rounds at a blazing rate, rivaling  
Cupid's Uzis. Bright white rounds of ammunition blazed down  
and cut through the darkness into the already-battered  
forest, barely missing Cupid as the large man skipped,  
hopped, and dodged Urd's attack. Amazingly, not a bullet  
hit him.  
  
Cupid returned fire with both Uzis, forcing Urd to twist and  
turn in mid-air, then do backflips as she avoided Cupid's  
bullets with surprising grace....  
  
And suddenly she found herself out of the forest and high  
above lots of rocks.  
  
Oh yeah, she thought absently. Right after the forest there  
was that high cliff.  
  
Whoops.  
  
~*~  
  
Tim had to think about this carefully.  
  
At first, he thought that mixing up something the absolute  
opposite of Cupid's love chocolate arrows would be the right  
thing. As he began to mix a few potions, he realized that  
wasn't quite right. Doing that would just make people hate  
each other, which would certainly be worse.  
  
"He loves me..."  
  
Something he'd learned in science class seemed to be  
similar.... what was it... the PH scale? Too much on one  
side was acid, too much the other was base. So... hrm... if  
he were to use something in the middle range, that should do  
the trick, right?  
  
"He loves me not..."  
  
He thought about this a moment.  
  
"He loves me..."  
  
No, that wouldn't do.  
  
"He loves me not..."  
  
What's in the middle of love and hate? Absolutely nothing.  
He might end up creating a bunch of well-adjusted, pleasant,  
passionless people.  
  
"He loves me..."  
  
A lot like his dad used to be.  
  
"He loves me not..."  
  
No, that wouldn't do. Maybe he was thinking of this in the  
wrong way?  
  
"He loves me..."  
  
"Will you PLEASE stop that?!"  
  
Skuld giggled. "You're SO cute when you're mad."  
  
"Yeah," grumbled Tim sarcastically. "And I'm bloody sexy  
when I'm furious."  
  
"Really!" squealed Skuld. "Get mad for me!"  
  
Tim sighed. "Not now, maybe later."  
  
Returning to his original line of thought, he tried to think  
of a different angle on the problem. If making a potion of  
an opposite effect wasn't the way to go... hrm.  
  
"I've got it!"  
  
"Got what?" asked Skuld.  
  
"What we need to do is _remove_ the magic, not counter it,"  
explained Tim triumphantly. His smile faded a bit, then  
turned into a frow. "Oh, bugger."  
  
"What's wrong?"  
  
"I have no idea how to remove magic."  
  
Skuld blinked. "Remove magic?"  
  
"Yes. Think of Cupid's arrows as... er... poison. We need  
something that would clean that poison out."  
  
"I can help!" chirped Skuld happily.  
  
"No, really?" Tim asked.  
  
Skuld nodded eagerly. "I might be able to modify my cannon  
to do the job!"  
  
Tim blinked. "Your... cannon."  
  
Out of her pocket, Skuld pulled out a thin looking rod,  
approximately one meter in length and two centimeters in  
diameter. It had a single button on it, marked //PRESS  
ME//.  
  
She pressed it.  
  
The effect was a bit dazzling to the eyes, as the rod  
expanded, twisted, and unfolded to become a four meter  
cannon with lots of interesting doodads, buttons, and other  
little controls on a central panel, obviously built to be  
mounted onto the shoulder.  
  
"My Super Heavy Cannon XXII!" said Skuld proudly.  
  
Tim stared at the weapon of, it seemed, mass destruction,  
stunned at its appearance. "Super. Heavy. Cannon.  
Riiiight."  
  
"I can do it, I know I can!" insisted Skuld.  
  
With a doubtful look and a deep sigh, Tim gave in. "Well,  
Urd's chemistry set is a dead end and I don't have any  
better ideas."  
  
"Yay! I'll have it ready in a few minutes!" Skuld put the  
cannon on the ground and quickly began adjusting the  
controls. Meanwhile, Tim tried thinking ahead a little  
more.  
  
Oh. There was one problem.  
  
"Say, how are we going to test it?"  
  
~*~  
  
The scene before them was almost awe-inspiring, as goddess  
battled demoness with the energies of Heaven and Hell at  
their command. Crimson flames clashed with pure white waves  
of energy, and the surrounding area trembled with their  
power.  
  
"Is this really such a good idea?" whined Tim.  
  
"Of coure it is!" replied Skuld confidently. The pair were  
currently on the edge of the outer gateway, watching Mara  
and Belldandy's duel.  
  
"I still don't see why we're using your anti-demon robot,"  
Tim said. "Wouldn't he be trying to blow her away?"  
  
"Don't be silly. He can aim far better at night than we  
can, especially with his infrared sensors. And I  
temporarily disabled the anti-demon programming so we could  
make sure she's cured _before_ we blow her away! And the  
robot has a name, you know!" Skuld said, crossing her arms  
and looking at Tim with an "Oh you silly man!" bemused look.  
  
"And you're sure your... ah... Banpei can aim right?" asked  
Tim.  
  
The little roundish robotic companion of Skuld's looked  
slightly offended, as did its mistress.  
  
"If you loved me, you'd trust me," said Skuld sweetly.  
  
Tim grumbled.  
  
"What was that?" asked Skuld.  
  
"Just shoot Mara, please?" Tim said.  
  
Skuld nodded, then patted Banpei in the back. "Fire when  
ready!" Banpei nodded, then took aim.  
  
~*~  
  
In an absurd twist of fate, Urd found herself in a  
speedboat, with Cupid following in hot pursuit. Her body  
was running on automatic, dodging passing boats and debris  
as her mind tried to sort out exactly what happened.  
  
While she was backflipping earlier, she'd forgotten about  
what was beyond the forest - a somewhat steep cliff that  
lead down to Tokyo Bay. Being the graceful goddess that she  
was, of course she didn't fall down the cliff.  
  
She backflipped down it. All the way.  
  
By the time she backflipped to the base of the cliff, she  
was extraordinarily dizzy. From there she ran along the  
shore of the bay, and eventually ran into someone renting  
speedboats by the docks.  
  
Right. Okay. Up to speed.  
  
Speaking of which....  
  
Urd slammed the throttle forward, revving the boat's  
engines. It slammed into a wave and suddenly soared into  
the air, spinning clockwise, narrowly dodging a buoy as it  
flew. Still in the air, she opened fire behind her, the  
cannon fire flashing in the darkness, flying in a graceful  
arc towards Cupid and his boat. Cupid swerved his craft to  
the right, leaving most of the shots to strike at the water  
with a splash and a hiss. One shot cracked the windshield,  
and another pierced the hull.  
  
Sensing a change in the tides of battle, Urd steered her  
craft straight towards Cupid's. The battle song of the  
valkyries sung in her ears as she charged, full throttle,  
towards his boat. Her cannon blazed another volley of  
white-hot ammo, shredding into Cupid's boat like blades  
through paper.  
  
The boat caught fire, crippled and dying. Cupid steered it  
to shore but found that he couldn't slow it down. It plowed  
into shore, dying with a fireball of an explosion, sending  
debris into the air. Cupid leapt as the boat exploded, sent  
flying through the air from the force of the explosion. He  
landed roughly, tumbling sideways on the sandy beach. In  
the distance, he heard Urd's speedboat approaching. He  
stood up shakily, lifting his twin Uzis, then opened fire.  
  
-click-  
  
Shit.  
  
-click-click-  
  
Jammed.  
  
He tossed the Uzis on the ground, then reached for the  
shotgun strapped to his back. Wouldn't be as effective, not  
nearly as much range. Had to find a place where he wouldn't  
be at a disadvantage.  
  
"Hey, is that a warehouse I see before me? Merciful Zeus,  
it iiiis!"  
  
And with that observation, Cupid quickly ran off into the  
abandoned warehouse in the distance.  
  
~*~  
  
There was purpose in Belldandy's normally placid features.  
Many people would have thought Belldandy was a pacifist.  
  
Many people were wrong. Belldandy could, and often would,  
fight to defend the ones she loved.  
  
Belldandy brought her hands together in a complex pattern,  
chanting softly to herself, then lifted her left hand to the  
sky, forming a wind vortex which sent Mara spinning away  
into a treetop.  
  
There was a brief silence, as Belldandy sighed, her large  
grey-brown eyes looking sadly where Mara had gone, before  
she turned her attention back to the ones for whom she had  
been fighting. "Keiichi? Megumi?"  
  
Unfortunately, Mara was far from out of it. Unseen by  
Belldandy, Mara rematerialized behind her, grinning  
maliciously and with a fireball in hand ready to fly.  
Belldandy sensed the danger too late, and whirled around  
just in time to see Mara swinging her arm forward to-  
  
*ZZZZAP*  
  
~*~  
  
"Got'em!" shouted Skuld excitedly. They both watched from  
under the street lights as Mara froze from the blazing bolt  
of energy that shot from the cannon and through her body  
like lightning.  
  
And when Mara dropped to her knees, Belldandy was revealed,  
also reeling as lines of static energy crawled over her.  
  
Tim frowned. "Uh oh."  
  
Skuld, on the other hand, was alarmed. "Oneesama!" She  
began to race towards her sister, but slowed down a little  
as Belldandy slowly rose.  
  
"So what happens," wondered Tim, "if someone not affected by  
Cupid's arrows is hit? That is, assuming Skuld set the  
thing right..."  
  
~*~  
  
Mara's head was spinning. Whatever that was, it was  
massively unpleasant. The phrase 'instant hangover' came to  
mind. As she blinked, she felt a pair of arms slowly lift  
her up to a sitting position.  
  
"Oww..."  
  
She blinked, trying to regain her vision, then saw her  
enemy, Belldandy, looking into her eyes with concern, set  
against the starry evening sky.  
  
And she never looked so beautiful.  
  
~*~  
  
Skuld stared.  
  
Tim stared.  
  
Mara and Belldandy embraced each other tightly, as if they  
were long lost lovers reunited.  
  
"You know," said Tim, "I don't think you have the settings  
quite right."  
  
"Aheh... I guess not," replied an embarrassed Skuld. "At  
last they're not fighting."  
  
"I suppose," said Tim. "At least they'll stay still and  
cuddle while we try to get this thing right for another  
sho-" His thought was interrupted when something white and  
cottony landed on his head. "Hello, what's this?" He held  
it out before him, then looked at it. "A shirt? Where'd  
this come fro... oh."  
  
There seemed to be some giggling and rustling coming from  
the tree above.  
  
Tim looked up. His eyes widened.  
  
Skuld looked up. Her eyes widenend and she blushed badly.  
  
"K-Keiichi! Megumi!" she cried.  
  
"Ah, you know those two then?" asked Tim.  
  
"They're brother and sister!"  
  
Tim looked down, grimacing. "Oh man."  
  
"Hey you two! Stop it!" Skuld exclaimed, waving her hands  
frantically at the siblings.  
  
"I think we'd better get your gun properly set as soon as  
possible, yes?" asked Tim. "Ah... and I think we'd better  
shoot those two first."  
  
~*~  
  
Of course, thought Urd bitterly, it would come to this.  
  
Again.  
  
Standing at the center of a rusted, damp walkway, surrounded  
by hanging chains and screeching, rusted metal fans, lit by  
sunlight breaking through the battered and worn ceiling,  
stood Cupid, facing off against Urd.  
  
She stared down the barrel of Cupid's gun, trying not to  
look worried. Cupid stared down the barrel of her cannon,  
not looking worried.  
  
"So, this again, huh?" asked Cupid.  
  
"Seems so," Urd said.  
  
They stared at each other, neither willing to back down.  
  
"Ya know, I been thinkin'," said Cupid.  
  
"Yeah? About what?"  
  
"This whole reconfiguration thang," replied Cupid. "Don't  
quite work sometimes, huh?"  
  
"Oh, I dunno," said Urd coolly. "Worked out okay to me."  
  
Cupid shrugged. "Suppose it did. Beats the old crone  
shit."  
  
"You, on the other hand," said Urd. "If I heard right, you  
put your own butt into that ridiculous outfit."  
  
"Hey man, if I didn't do it, the reconfiguration was gonna  
do it to me."  
  
Urd raised an eyebrow. "Is that the real reason you went  
gangsta?"  
  
"Awright, mebbe I was hopin' today's kids would take Gangsta  
Q more seriously..."  
  
"You sure it was kids you were doing it for?" asked Urd.  
  
"Mebbe not," said Cupid. Doubt and uncertainty filled his  
eyes as he remembered times past, and a woman with the grace  
and beauty of a butterfly... butterfly...  
  
Kind of like the one flying towards them from behind Urd  
now.  
  
Cupid's eyes widened in shock, and his gun arm twitched.  
Urd reacted quickly, snapping her head out of the barrel's  
way and opening fire with her own cannon. Four shots spat  
out from Urd's weapon in rapid fire, striking Cupid at his  
center. He flew back from the force of the impact, spinning  
and tumbling in the air with an agonized look on his face.  
  
The butterfly hovered in place for a moment, then moved on  
to greener pastures.  
  
Urd watched her enemy carefully, then walked over to his  
still body. She shook her head sadly.  
  
"If you're gonna twitch, you might as well shoot," she  
muttered. Grinning smugly, she spun the cannon on her arm  
much like old-time gunslingers spun their six-shooters in  
hand, ending by blowing smoe from the tip of her barrel.  
  
Then she blinked, staring at a set of displays on the  
cannon's side. And then she stared at Cupid's unmoving  
body.  
  
"Oh... I didn't... oh shit."  
  
~*~  
  
"Are you SURE you got it calibrated correctly, Skuld?"  
  
"Yes, I did!" Skuld said with just a bit of a growl.  
Boyfriend or not, she hated it when anyone questioned her  
machine expertise.  
  
"Whatever, just hurry up and shoot, I don't know how much  
longer I can keep them apart!" Tim said, trying to maintain  
some decorum. He was wedged between Megumi and Keiichi, who  
were very interested in getting to know one another closely.  
  
Nearby, sitting on a boulder, Belldandy was holding hands  
with Mara and watching the evening sky. Belldandy  
occasionally made Zen-like observations about the nature of  
stars, which Mara would agree with enthusiastically.  
  
Skuld finished tinkering with Banpei, then threw her arms  
around Tim's neck from behind. "Finished!" she sang out.  
  
Tim muttered, as he moved away from Keiichi and Megumi,  
disengaging himself from Skuld in the process. Immediately,  
the two siblings scooted together closely and kissed.  
  
"Please," said Tim. "Shoot them. Shoot them now."  
  
Skuld nodded. "Right! Banpei, open fire!"  
  
The Super Heavy Cannon XXII belched forth a massive burst of  
blinding, blazing energy.  
  
Keiichi stared at Megumi.  
  
Megumi stared at Keiichi.  
  
They both tried to say something, but it seemed their  
tongues were tangled with each other's.  
  
"MMMMF!"  
  
With a lightning fast right hook, Megumi slugged Keiichi  
away. "GETOFFAME YOU PERVERT!"  
  
Some distance away, Tim nodded at Skuld. "Well, I'd say  
that worked."  
  
"Yaay!" cheered Skuld. She jumped onto Tim's back, wrapping  
her arms around his neck, giggling all the way. "Told you  
I'd help!"  
  
Tim staggered under Skuld's weight (no paragon of strength  
was he) and tried gently to peel her arms off. "Yes, right,  
can we go on to your sister now?"  
  
"Banpei! Target: Oneesama and Mara! Open fire!"  
  
*BLAM*BLAM*  
  
Two more blasts of anti-magic slammed into the tranquil  
pair, knocking them off the tree branch and onto the  
sidewalk below.  
  
"Hey! What the hell was that for?!?"  
  
"Oh my!"  
  
Tim nodded, feeling satisfied with the progress of things.  
And then he felt Skuld latch onto his arm again.  
  
"Oh, Tiiiim," she said in a sweet sing-song voice. She  
turned to him, her eyes closing and lips puckering  
ever-so-slightly, expectantly.  
  
Tim blinked. Silently, he motioned for Banpei to come a bit  
further. Once he was in reach, Tim very carefully took the  
cannon out of Banpei's arms.  
  
"Tiiiiim," Skuld said sweetly again, tightening her grip on  
his arm.  
  
"Just a minute and I'll give you a biiiig surprise," said  
Tim. He lifted the gun slightly, then noticed the somewhat  
hostile look Banpei was giving him.  
  
"Oh, stop looking at me like that, you hunk of tin. I'll  
have her back to normal."  
  
And he aimed, and shot.  
  
~*~  
  
There was a sheepish silence in the Morisato household.  
  
Mara was gone.  
  
Keiichi and Megumi were sitting far away from each other.  
  
Skuld was clinging to Banpei, a scowl crossing her face  
every time she looked at Tim.  
  
Tim sighed. This was just a beautiful day. Well, it was  
still day for him, even if it was night in Japan. And it  
was not quite yet noon for him. He suddenly felt like  
crawling back into bed and not coming out again till  
tomorrow.  
  
Only Belldandy seemed unaffected by the recent going-ons,  
and Tim was grateful for that. She smiled, noticing Tim's  
gaze, and asked, "Is the tea good?"  
  
"Oh yeah. I just... I just need to go soon, though. Back  
home. You know... London," Tim stammered, feeling rather  
than seeing Skuld's glare bear down on him.  
  
"About time too," Skuld growled. "Pervert."  
  
Belldandy's smile never faltered. "Would you like me to  
send you home, magus?"  
  
Tim's eye twitched a bit, but he couldn't be rude to  
Belldandy, or else he would have said something about how  
magic could go to blazes. He simply nodded, silently vowing  
to himself to just walk away in the future if ANYTHING even  
looked at him crosseyed.  
  
Skuld muttered something unfriendly. Keiichi and Megumi  
waved goodbye mutely. Tim stood up.  
  
A butterfly flew in. And then another. And then...  
  
Tim sighed, as a figure emerged from the swarm of  
butterflies. Keiichi gathered up his wits from the sudden  
surprise, enough to start to voice a question, when  
Belldandy rose gracefully to her feet and greeted her.  
  
"Psyche."  
  
Psyche merely tilted her head, frowning. "Belldandy. Have  
you seen Cupid? The last I saw, Mara was running far and  
away... without him." She smirked just a bit. "I take it  
the love chocolates wore off and she hightailed it away from  
that idiot."  
  
Keiichi and Megumi both stared wide-eyed. Megumi was heard  
muttering to herself that it had to be a magic show.  
  
"Well, no, I haven't. The last I saw..." Belldandy was  
about to explain, when Skuld cut in. "Urd was chasing him  
down!"  
  
Psyche frowned. "With a cannon?"  
  
"Yeah! I made it!" Skuld said proudly.  
  
"Then where is he?" Psyche asked. "He'd better not be..."  
  
And then the screen door slid open, Urd dashed in, and froze  
the moment she noticed everyone there. She seemed  
especially nervous at the appearance of Psyche. Quickly,  
she shut the door behind her, took a deep breath, and gave a  
weak smile. From her arm, the Super Heavy Cannon XXI slid  
down, hitting the floor with a metallic thud.  
  
"Aheh... heya."  
  
"Urd? What's wrong?" asked Belldandy.  
  
Psyche frowned. "Where's my husband, Urd?"  
  
Urd's nervous smile twitched, and sweat formed across her  
brow. She took a deep breath, her face turned serious and  
grim, and she turned to Psyche. Urd put an arm on Psyche's  
shoulder, and said, "Psyche... about your husband... there's  
something you should know."  
  
Belldandy gasped. "Urd... you didn't!"  
  
"W-what did you do?!" shrieked Psyche, panic seizing her  
heart. "Where is he?! Where's my Cupid!"  
  
Urd looked down at the floor, then met Psyche's fearful gaze  
with her own grim one. "It was during the duel... I... I  
shot him, but I didn't know... He... he's..."  
  
Skuld and Belldandy gasped. Keiichi was clueless - he  
didn't know English. Tim just had that sinking feeling.  
  
"Psyche... Cupid is-"  
  
Suddenly, from the hallway, Cupid dashed-leapt-pounced onto  
Urd and enveloped her into a tight hug. "Sweetheart!"  
  
"AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"  
  
- end part 3 -  
  
----------------------------  
  
INTIMACY, n.  
  
A relation into which fools are providentially drawn for  
their mutual destruction.  
  
-The Devil's Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce  



	5. Epilogue: Ever After

"Do what you want to, for God's sakes. You're thousands of  
years old. Go have some fun for a change."  
  
-Tim Hunter to Leah,  
"The Books of Magic: Summonings"  
  
~*~  
  
Rod M. & David Tai  
present  
  
The finale of the  
Oh My Goddess / Vertigo Trilogy  
  
Meddling Fates  
  
Epilogue  
  
Ever After  
  
~*~  
  
~ Afternoon, London, England ~  
  
Somewhere in the distance, Big Ben chimed the three o'clock  
hour. Young Timothy Hunter watched the ancient tower from  
the banks of the river Thames, with the goddess Belldandy by  
his side.  
  
Belldandy smiled, hearing the ring of the bells. "My, it's  
been a long time since I visited London. I forgot what a  
nice city this is."  
  
"I suppose it is," said Tim. "Sort of.. It looks a lot  
better after returning from faraway places."  
  
"What will you do now?" asked Belldandy.  
  
Tim took a long, deep breath of London air, stretched, then  
shrugged. "Take my skateboard around for a spin a bit more,  
I guess."  
  
She tilted her head slightly and frowned, indicating that  
she knew very well he was dodging the question that she  
really meant to ask.  
  
Tim smiled sheepishly and raised his hands in defeat.  
"Okay, okay, honestly I'd like to go back and do what I was  
doing BEFORE your sister ran into me."  
  
"Which was?"  
  
"Trying this normal life thing."  
  
She shook her head sadly, but still smiled. "Do what you  
feel you must, but you have such great potential in you.  
It would be a shame to waste it."  
  
Tim frowned. "Feels more like it's messing me up, really."  
  
"Magic is what you make of it," said Belldandy. "Much like  
life. In all that you do, be careful and be wise. The path  
of magic is never easy, even for those who do not wish to  
walk it. I wish you good luck, Tim Hunter. Perhaps we'll  
meet again."  
  
"Wouldn't mind if we did," said Tim. "That'd be nice.  
See you later, Belldandy."  
  
With a smile and a wave, Belldandy vanished into the  
afternoon skies, leaving Tim roughly where he was when  
this whole mess started.  
  
"Well Tim? Where now?" He pondered his own question for a  
moment, then began walking down the banks of the river  
Thames, hands in his pocket, a tune whistled on his lips.  
  
Hopefully, that would be the last of the madness in his  
life.  
  
The bitterly sarcastic side of him seriously doubted it.  
  
~*~  
  
~ Somewhere Out There ~  
  
Cupid sat dejectedly on the couch, burying his face in his  
hands.  
  
Psyche kept her arms crossed, glaring down at him. She  
hadn't said a word ever since they returned.  
  
"Psyche, baby..."  
  
"Don't 'Psyche baby' me, you two-timing slob," said Psyche  
scornfully. "I just can't leave you alone, can I? Look  
what you get yourself into!"  
  
Looking considerably saddened, Cupid hung his head in  
shame. Psyche, looking at the sad figure of a deity,  
sighed. She sat down next to him and held his hand.  
  
"One of these days, Cupid," she said gently. "One of these  
days, they'll need us again. Until then, we're just going  
to have to wait it out. You're really stupid, you know  
that?"  
  
"I know, I know."  
  
"Just sit down and enjoy retirement. Our daughter's been  
waiting for us for ages. In fact, she should be stopping by  
for a visit soon."  
  
Cupid perked up just a bit. "Really?"  
  
"Yes. In fact---"  
  
There was a knock at their door.  
  
Psyche exclaimed, "That should be her now!" as she hurried  
to open the door.  
  
There stood a teenaged girl in grunge, her hair spiked,  
wearing an all-too-short shirt that exposed a pierced  
bellybutton.  
  
"Yo Daddy-o, Mom, whassup?" she said, sauntering in.  
  
Cupid clasped his face.  
  
"Oh Pleasure, what've they done to you, baby...?"  
  
Reconfiguration really sucked.  
  
~*~  
  
~ Evening, Morisato Household, Japan ~  
  
Skuld was tinkering away in her room, adjusting Banpei.  
  
Keiichi was fiddling away on his bike, in the temple  
courtyard.  
  
Megumi was at her own place.  
  
It was a time of grand silence. And great embarrassment.  
  
It didn't help any of them at all that they were subjected  
to magic. Especially Megumi, who was unconvinced that there  
was such a thing as magic, and hence, blamed Keiichi's  
hormones for going wild.  
  
There wasn't much Keiichi could do about it at the moment.  
Hopefully Megumi would forgive him and forget about it the  
same way she'd forgotten similar incidents. Still, it  
bothered Keiichi greatly, and so he waited for Belldandy to  
come home.  
  
And when Belldandy arrived, he stood up, waited for Skuld to  
stop blubbering to her oneesama, and then spoke to her  
quietly for a few hours, apologizing and begging  
forgiveness.  
  
And then life went on. After all, magic was in their lives,  
and so was love, and there was nothing that would ever  
change that.  
  
No matter what outside meddling parties did.  
  
~*~  
  
~ The Lord of the Dance's Bar, Somewhere Else Out There ~  
  
Once again, the goddess and the demoness congregated in the  
bar of the Lord of the Dance, one in a jovial mood and the  
other horribly embarrassed.  
  
Staring down at her giant mug of beer, Mara scowled. "We  
shall never speak of this incident again. Okay?"  
  
"Wahahahaha!"  
  
"OKAY?"  
  
"Heh... heheheh... BWAHAHHAAH!"  
  
"HEY!"  
  
Urd finally calmed down, still smiling, but waved a hand to  
her companion to let Mara know she was heard. "Hey now, I  
can't possibly let you off the hook that easy!" she teased.  
  
"Aaargh!" Mara thumped her head on the bar, sighing. "I'm  
not gonna live this one down, am I?"  
  
"Nope!"  
  
The demoness narrowed her eyes. "I really hate you."  
  
Urd giggled. "Aw, you gotta admit, it -was- funny."  
  
"Woulda been funnier if it wasn't me," grumbled Mara.  
  
After Urd finished another bout of giggling and Mara guzzled  
down another pint of beer, both took perfectly synchronized  
deep breaths and sighs.  
  
"Love's a funny thing, ain't it?" asked Mara.  
  
Urd nodded. "Yeah, it is. Time was when there used to be  
all sorts of love deities running around... Cupid, Aphrodite,  
Ishtar... the mortals don't really look to us much anymore,  
do they?"  
  
"Nah," replied Mara. "But that love thing is still goin'  
round anyway."  
  
"Dunno if I should feel relieved or outdated," said Urd.  
  
Mara shrugged. "Hey, less work for you, huh?"  
  
"I guess." Urd giggled again, causing Mara to narrow her  
eyes.  
  
"Oh, _now_ what?" she asked.  
  
Urd smirked, sloshing her beer mug around. "Y'know, before  
all this, I've never seen you in love with anybody."  
  
Mara scowled, then downed another mug of beer in a single  
shot. "Ah, shaddup. So I'm not like you, Miss Man-Eater, big  
deal."  
  
"Hey, just an observation," replied Urd. "No need to get  
touchy."  
  
"Hmph." Mara grabbed a nearby bottle of wine and filled her  
mug with it. After taking a long sip, she put it down and  
turned to Urd, looking just a shade more towards being  
drunk. "Y'know what the real pisser is, Urd?"  
  
"Hm?"  
  
"This is my vacation time!"  
  
Urd snorted. "That's what you get for meddling in this."  
  
"Ex-CUSE me? I wasn't the one to piss off Cupid! YOU were!"  
  
Urd blinked. "I did?"  
  
"YES YOU DID!"  
  
The goddess smiled a crooked grin and pointed a finger at  
Mara. "Hey, you helped me piss'em off."  
  
Mara pouted. "You didn't stop me."  
  
"Is THAT what I'm supposed to do?" asked Urd, in disbelief.  
  
"YES! That's what you're supposed to do! You're the  
goddess here! I'm the demoness! I'm the one that does the  
harmful deeds, you're supposed to come after... me..."  
  
Mara turned away, reaching for her beer mug one more time.  
There was a slight blush on her cheeks.  
  
Urd blinked, though a bit groggily since she'd nearly had  
her fill of alcohol for the night.  
  
"I... I'm outta here," said Mara.  
  
Urd reached out, holding Mara's shoulder. "Mara,  
waitasec..."  
  
The demoness hesitated, only to give Urd a kiss on the  
cheek.  
  
"Seeya 'round, Urd."  
  
"Wai-"  
  
But Mara had already vanished, leaving Urd alone with an  
unfinished beer and an unanswered question.  
  
- end Meddling Fates -  
  
------------------------------------------------------------  
  
RECONCILIATION, n.  
  
A suspension of hostilities. An armed truce for the purpose  
of digging up the dead.  
  
-The Devil's Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce  
  
------------------------------------------------------------  
  
SCENE  
A little wooden stage inside a rustic looking tavern.  
A little karaoke machine sits a bit left of the center,  
and MARA sits on a stool behind a microphone at center  
stage. Around the bar, miscellaneous devils, demons,  
and spirits from many cultures and worlds, sit and watch  
her. They all seem surprisingly sedate, or at least  
drunk.  
  
MARA  
  
Things that've happened to me recently  
have got me... I dunno... feeling nostalgic,  
I guess. Old friends do that, I guess.  
Anyway, looking at the select-o-matic  
list here, this is the only song that  
matches my mood at the moment.  
  
(music starts)  
  
o/~ Falling in love again o/~  
o/~ Never wanted to o/~  
o/~ What am I to do? o/~  
o/~ I can't help it o/~  
  
----------*----------  
PLOTS  
David Tai  
Rod M.  
----------*----------  
  
MARA  
  
o/~ Love's always been my game o/~  
o/~ play it how I may o/~  
o/~ I was made that way o/~  
o/~ I can't help it o/~  
  
(Audience begins swaying with the song. A few  
hold up lighters, candles, or just set someone  
else's finger on fire.)  
  
----------*----------  
EDITING STAFF  
David Tai  
Rod M.  
Scott Schimmel  
T.J. Griesenbrock  
Christian Bremer  
Travis Butler  
Anand Rao  
Foxtrot  
The Keep Rats  
(you know who you are)  
The FFML Lads and Ladies  
The OTL Ladies and Gentlemen  
----------*----------  
  
MARA  
  
o/~ Men cluster to me o/~  
o/~ like moths 'round a flame o/~  
o/~ And if their wings burn o/~  
o/~ I know I'm not to blame o/~  
  
----------*----------  
SPECIAL THANKS TO:  
The Anime Web Turnpike: http://www.anipike.com  
CFAN: The Comic Fan-Fiction Authors Network:  
http://members.aol.com/kielle/cfan.htm  
Friedrich Hollaender & Marlene Deitrich for  
the song 'Falling in Love Again'  
And of course:  
To Neil Gaiman, Charles Vess, and assorted writers for  
The Books of Magic and to Kosuke Fujishima for Ah My  
Goddess!  
  
----------*----------  
  
MARA  
(entire room sings along)  
  
o/~ Falling in love again o/~  
o/~ Never wanted to o/~  
o/~ What am I to do? o/~  
o/~ I can't help it o/~  
  
- end -  
------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Outtakes.  
  
Scenes that never was, scenes that could have been.  
  
------------------------------------------------------------  
  
This was the original story for Tim Hunter/Urd. It had  
too many unknown variables (such as, what happened to Mister  
E?), and was abandoned for the Cupid story. Still, these  
scenes from the original story're worth a look.  
  
-david  
  
---  
  
Untimely Fates  
  
An  
  
Oh My Goddess | Books of Magic  
  
Tale  
  
---  
  
[A Future]  
  
Alone in his citadel, Mr. Hunter looked out into the dark  
skies of London. Many things were to be done now that His  
empire had begun.  
  
His alliance with the demon Etrigan needed to be sealed in a  
blood sacrifice tomorrow. Too bad it had to be Constantine,  
though. He really hoped John would see things his way, but  
alas...  
  
And then there was the matter of the Cold Flame... he'd need  
_her_ help in dealing with that lot...  
  
-tap-  
  
Hm?  
  
-tap-  
  
What was...  
  
-tap-  
  
No. It couldn't be.  
  
-tap-  
  
It was a sound he hadn't heard in years, not since he was  
a boy. It was the sound of a cane, a blind man's cane,  
tapping the floor....  
  
-TAP-  
  
The only blind man he knew was the one that had come closest  
to killing him.  
  
Mister E. The blind mystic who could walk through time.  
  
"No..." He looked around, looking for the source of the  
sound. "It can't be..."  
  
"Hello, Hunter." The voice was low and menacing, echoing  
off the walls and into the dark. Hunter felt a slight rush  
of air and stumbled away, just in time to dodge as a knife  
flashed in the moonlight.  
  
"You!"  
  
A man dressed all in white, wearing dark red glasses,  
walked slowly towards him.  
  
"I always knew you'd turn for the worse," said the man.  
  
"You've no place here, E. Leave now and I just might spare  
your life."  
  
The blind man shook his head solemnly. "It ends here."  
  
Hunter hurled a ball of fire at him, striking him at the chest  
and reducing him to ashes.  
  
Anyone would think the battle was over. Hunter knew better.  
  
The ashes slowly rose into the air and reformed, becoming  
cloth and flesh once more. It was like watching a movie in  
reverse, only a little more disturbing.  
  
"You cannot defeat me. I am a _master_ of time. What you  
do, I can undo."  
  
Hunter looked at his watch nervously. Just a few minutes  
more...  
  
Mister E cocked his arm back, knife ready to strike. "Time  
to take your medicine, boy."  
  
He swung the knife forward...  
  
... and found his arm to be held back by a hand.  
  
A female hand.  
  
"I think not," said a woman's voice.  
  
"WHO DARES?!" Mister E whirled around angrily, only to face  
a being of power beyond his.  
  
Hunter grinned. "Well. It's about time."  
  
- * -  
  
[A Past]  
  
Urd nearly spat out her sake. "You're adding HIM to the  
invitation list?!"  
  
"Why not?" said Skuld. She glared at her sister, the kind  
of glare that essentially said that this was one thing she  
wasn't backing down on.  
  
"Fine, fine. But if John causes any trouble at the party,  
I'm tossing his ass out PERSONALLY. You asked Bell,  
already, right?"  
  
"I'll go do that right now," replied Skuld, walking away.  
"Unlike SOME people, I'm sure she'll be nice about it."  
  
This, thought Urd, was a fine turn of events. John  
Constantine at the party. Considering he had a tendancy  
to be followed by bad luck, this was something Urd wasn't  
looking forward to.  
  
"Next thing you know we'll have the demon Etrigan gate-crash  
the..."  
  
There was something in the air.  
  
"...the..."  
  
Something falling...  
  
"...the..."  
  
It wasn't falling through the sky.  
  
"... what the..."  
  
It was falling through time.  
  
"HhHhHeEeElllp mMmMeEeEeee...."  
  
"Who's there?" Urd asked.  
  
Before her, a blur of white slowly began to fade into  
existance. The very air seemed to warp and bend, as if made  
out of water, distorting the image of a man.  
  
"TtTtThHheEeEeE BbBbBbOoOoOyYyY..."  
  
"Ah... hello?"  
  
"YyYyYyoOoOoOo MmMmMmUuUuSsStTt SsSsStTtToOoOpPpP TtThHhEeE  
BbBbBoOoOoYyYy..."  
  
"The boy? Who?"  
  
"TtTtThHhHeEeEe BbBbBoOoOoYyYyYy TtTtTtIiIiIiMmMmM  
HhHhUuUuNnNnTtTtEeEeRrRr AaAaNnNnDdDd HhHhIiIiSsSs  
WwWwOoOoMmMmAaAaNnNn! TtTtHhHhEeEeYyYy WwWwIiIiLlLl  
RrRuUuIiInNn AaAaLlLlLlLl..."  
  
"Tim Hunter?"  
  
Urd raised her arms and focused what little power a Second  
Class rating allowed her, focusing on stabilizing the time  
rift that seemed to be entrapping the entity.  
  
The air seemed to stabilize slightly, allowing her to see  
her mysterious visitor. The image was badly distorted, as  
if she was viewing through stained and misshapen glass. She  
could make out the details of a man dressed in a white suit.  
It looked like he'd been savagely beaten, with streaks of  
black and red staining the white, and the glasses on his  
face shattered.  
  
"Tim Hunter and his girl? What girl?"  
  
The apparition began to fade, blurring and distorting,  
fading.  
  
"HhHhHeEeErRrRr FfFfAaAuUuLlLtTt, SsSsHhHeEe  
SsShHhOoOwWweEeDd HhHiIiMmM TtThHhEeE  
DdDaAaRrRkKkNnNeEeSsS..."  
  
"Who? Who's the girl?"  
  
"TtHhEe GgGoOoooooaaaahhhhh....."  
  
And then it was gone.  
  
Something rotten was afoot. A victim of some bizarre time  
spell, savagely beaten. A warning of doom. A name.  
  
Tim Hunter.  
  
Urd frowned. She'd heard that name before...  
  
- * -  
  
[The here and now]  
  
Tim Hunter just didn't have the time for this. A white-haired  
goddess was draped all over him, and glaring at a Demoness.  
He had no idea who the demoness would be, and he certainly  
didn't want anything to do with this Urd who'd popped up  
insisting that he was going to be turned to the darkness.  
  
"And just who would you be?" Tim grumbled.  
  
The demoness bowed gracefully, smiling a charming smile.  
  
"You may call me Mara."  
  
- * -  
  
Tim Hunter fought off panic. He couldn't afford to panic,  
not with Mister E at his throat trying to kill him with  
a wooden stake and a mallet.  
  
Dimly, his vision darkening, Tim spied Urd out of the corner  
of his eyes. So Mister E had gotten to her first. But...  
where was Mara? She had told him just how to use the  
darkness, and... she wasn't there. Just like a typical  
demon.  
  
Tim's anger grew. His hands started to come up, tracing  
arcane symbols in the air. The aura of the magic gathered  
around him. There was none of the calm feeling of blueness  
that he normally had when he did magic...  
  
This time, the magic felt red spiked with black, jagged  
and edgy...  
  
And Tim Hunter gave in to the Magic.  
  
- * -  
  
Tim Hunter was gone, lost into the Magic.  
  
Urd could do nothing. Mara had gotten to him, completely.  
There was nothing left Urd had at her disposal. Some Goddess  
she was. No wonder she was still stuck at Goddess Second  
Class.  
  
He had given in to the hate, the despair, the madness, and  
there was nothing she could do. She was only the Goddess of...  
  
Love.  
  
And suddenly, Urd knew what she had to do.  
  
- * -  
  
[Urd's room]  
  
Tim adjusted his glasses, rubbing his neck sheepishly.  
  
"That was all?"  
  
Urd grinned sheepishly. "Love is a powerful motivation,  
Tim. It can be just as powerful as Hate."  
  
There was a knock at the door.  
  
"Hmmm? Come in?"  
  
"Sis?" a cheerful voice said, as a young girl peered in.  
  
Tim blinked.  
  
The raven-haired girl blinked back, and then waved in an  
enthusiastic fashion, beaming. "Hiiii!"  
  
Tim stammered, managing to gather his wits enough to wave back.  
  
Urd looked between Tim and Skuld, and grinned.  
  
"Tim, this is my sister Skuld."  
  
- * -  
  
[A Future]  
  
Mr. Hunter shook his head, as Mister E vanished into the  
past. He looked over to the woman who shared his dream,  
his lover, his partner, his goddess, and laughed.  
  
And Skuld laughed back with him, bringing him to her in an  
embrace and a kiss.  
  
The Magus and his Dark Angel turned back to face the world  
they had wrought, hand in hand.  
  
And it was good.  
  
------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Authors' Notes:  
  
------------------------------------------------------------  
  
'And thaaaaaat's all folks!'  
  
-djt  
  
And that's the end of the Fates Trilogy.  
  
Oh, sure, we'll take on more Vertigo stuff later on, with  
perhaps more fortrays into the anime kingdom, and there's  
one more Oh My Goddess crossover due on the list, once again  
with Hellblazer. But the trilogy's pretty much done.  
  
This might have been the most difficult of the Fates trilogy  
to write, mostly due to us deciding we wanted to write a  
story based on the John Ney Reiber Tim Hunter, rather than  
the Peter Gross Tim Hunter.  
  
What's the difference, you may ask?  
  
Peter Gross writes a more proactive Tim Hunter. But he  
writes his stories so tightly there seems to be little room  
to do things with Tim.  
  
John Ney Reiber wrote Tim as a ... well, person who  
just got hauled into things. He was never very active,  
which meant everyone else carried him along into the  
story.  
  
Which makes me utterly despise Reiber's Tim. Too many  
story ideas got stomped flat because Tim was an utter wuss.  
  
As you can see from the outtakes, there was a Mister E story  
idea that had been around almost since Dire Fates started.  
  
It got stomped. Rod got sick of saving the world, and it  
was pretty hard to figure out Mister E.  
  
Then Rod brings up Cupid.  
  
There we go.  
  
Lots of homage to John Woo here.  
  
See you next time, next project likely is gonna be either  
Junior Trenchcoat Brigade, Vampire Princess Miyu/Hellblazer,  
or Faith Machine (the aforementioned OMG/Hellblazer final  
chapter.)  
  
We'll be baaaaaaaaaaack!  
  
-david  
  
----------*----------  
  
Wrapping it up  
-Rod M.  
  
Ah, at last, the end of the Fates trilogy.  
  
I know, I know, quite a few of you are going to be wondering  
why its scope is so... limited. There's no grand  
world-scale emergency here, no great risk of death and no  
lives on the line here.  
  
To tell you the truth, saving the world/nation/city/person,  
in my opinion, would have been redundant. It's a bit  
cliche to begin with, and we already did it in Dire Fates.  
  
However, if you stop and think about how the Fates trilogy  
has gone, what we did really makes sense. We're working on  
a sort of upside-down pyramid scheme here. Dire Fates was  
the big wide grand start. Mortal Fates narrowed the focus  
down quite a bit, though the stakes were still quite grave.  
And now we have Meddling Fates, which lowers the stakes  
quite a bit.  
  
If you want grand, epic world-saving or whatnot, just wait a  
while. The Faith Machine (a sequel to the Hellblazer  
storyline 'The Fear Machine') will be coming soon. Death,  
a fall from grace, more death, destruction, chaos,  
and John Constantine damning himself even more than he  
currently is, all that stuff and more.  
  
But for now, I'd like to think of this as the real closer to  
the Fates series, and anything else as alternate reality  
continuation.  
  
Lemme tell you, folks, writing Tim is maddening. It's not  
easy. Trying to find a spot in continuity that'll allow it  
is maddening, and as David said, using his incarnation from  
the first 50 issues is grating on the nerves as well since  
he's so bloody passive.  
  
If you wanna write a Books of Magic fanfic, good luck to  
you.  
  
-Rod M  



End file.
